A New Way Of Doing Things

Part of this new way of living requires that I keep my house in order as much as possible.

Which also means keeping my mind in order.

I have noticed for a long time now that the condition of my living quarters reflects the state of my mind. If my thinking is messed up, it doesn't take long to show itself in my surroundings.

Therefore, I make a personal commitment to dot all my i's and cross all my t's as soon as I write them from here on in.

Stockpile nothing!

My number one priority now is to make every move count for something.

From here on in, I will only invest my energy in the things that matter most to me.

One day at a time. One step at a time. And only if it fits for me at this moment in my life.

What do I want to do today with the leg power and the energy I have available to me.

From here on in, I wish to be more realistic about the resources I have available to me which will make me more efficient in the outside world.

No small matter since I have always found the outside world a little too overwhelming for my comfort.

Withdrawal

Some people would accuse me of isolating myself.

To me, it feels more like choosing personal space and solitude.

Oh, what a relief it is.

Restoring Balance

I wonder if navigating through life works better if you follow the same rules as in riding a bike.

When falling, don't resist. Turning your wheel in the direction of your fall will allow you to restore your balance more quickly.

I never do anything halfway. Whenever I take anything on, I devote myself wholeheartedly to it.

And that is why when the bottom falls out of it (as it always does eventually in one way or another) I feel the loss so deeply.

One thing I have learned (rather painfully I might add) is to go with the flow rather than against it.

So here is me taking time out.... going with the flow.... creating space for myself....recreating me (for the millionth time, it seems).

Once I stop resisting, it doesn't feel half bad. Even brings a sense of relief with it.

Retreat

All I can do, at any time, is respond to what speaks the loudest from my inner space.

Right now it is a need for solitude............for stillness..........for space.

SURRENDER

It's happened again.

I have fallen into that lifelong pattern of "a human doing" rather than "a human being".

I realized this some months back but, for some reason, felt compelled to follow that road to the very end.

Why? What did I hope to gain? I have no idea.

All I know is that I had to keep pushing myself until there was absolutely no push left in me.

And now that I have completely exhausted myself, I feel that I can give myself permission to claim the space I need to just "BE".

I surrender. Thank God, I surrender.

New Beginnings

September always seems to open me to new beginnings - new possibilities - and at the very least doing old things in a new way.

Even at this stage of my life, I find myself packing things away to make room for whatever is to come. It's like a part of me knows somewhere deep inside which things I have to set aside; and which things I am going to need in the next little while.

Every day is an adventure - living in the moment - responding to the unexpected - on both internal and external levels.