Recluse

This is my home - my refuge - my sanctuary.

Here I am as safe as one can be from the world at large.

Or, like Rapunzel, am I a prisoner of my own making.

It does not matter.

For now, it is where my heart desires to be.

Maybe I am just digesting all that has transpired the last two years while I have been so actively involved in the outside world.

But here I am - snug as a bug in a rug. With no desire to be anyplace else. Surrounded by my books and papers. Words that tease my senses - safely.

Journeying to inner worlds. Exploring new dimensions. Excited by the possibilities.

I have done this before - several times. And have always unearthed buried treasures. Tools that make my life different than before.

Withdrawal

Some people would accuse me of isolating myself.

To me, it feels more like choosing personal space and solitude.

Oh, what a relief it is.

Reclaiming My Life

I notice that lately every action I take is aimed at reclaiming my life.

Strange, I didn't notice that I had lost it.

Freedom

While going through some papers today, I came across a quote I had saved from Craig Phillip's blog www.secondchancetolive.wordpress.com

"I no longer need to be perfect, just willing to keep my side of the street clean."

After a lifetime of trying to be perfect and failing miserably......

After a lifetime of being disappointed because nobody else seemed any better at it than me.....

After a lifetime of imposing unrealistic expectations on myself and everybody I cared about.....

I can finally take joy in being true to Craig's statement.

This has been the most freeing achievement of my life.

A Walk In The Dark

Did you ever notice that sometimes life is like a walk in the dark?

During those times, you just act on what speaks to you inside, uncertain where each action is leading you.

I much prefer those times when I have the illusion that I know where I am going - and how to get there.

The Truths Found In Dreams

I don't know how people make their way in this world without paying attention to their dreams. I wouldn't know which way to go.

My dreams let me know when my thinking is out of whack; and needs a little fine tuning.

I was recently reminded through my dreams that when I take my focus off what I feel called to do - being distracted by what others do or fail to do - I am headed for trouble - just like a sinking ship.

And it is also through my dreams that my faith in a Power greater than myself (G0d) is constantly being renewed. Over and over again I am reminded that none of us walk alone. Universal support is guiding us all the time - despite our many attempts to block it.

Taking The Blinders Off

"When you know how things REALLY are, your brain rejects bogus data, and your chances for being deceived diminish." - Self Matters calendar.

I remember now why I always enjoyed working together with young people rather than adults. It eliminates all the game-playing and hidden agendas. What you see is what you get!

Years ago, I was knocked completely off-kilter when I got involved in community work as part of an organization. It took me years to sort out what happened - and move on from there.

From that point on, I worked as a single agent - keeping "tuned in" to my Higher Power - alert for ways to be of service to others while being true to myself.

A year ago, I decided it was time to learn how to work as part of a group (a church group). Today my disillusion with the results of these efforts are causing me to rethink this decision.

Am I really a part of a group of people working together - or am I (like once before) the person doing all the work, taking all the risks, and they are just sharing the credit? This wouldn't be a problem except that I know from past experience, somewhere along the way, people start giving you more credit than the others and then the crucifixion begins.

I still believe more can be accomplished with people "working together", but I realize now that reality checks are important each step of the way. This is no time to have the blinders on!

An Investment In Life

My summer has been exhausting as I struggled to break through my physical limitations - but it has been very rewarding on all other levels.

My son and his wife moved to Ontario just before Christmas; so I was facing a long lonely summer. I decided instead of sitting home feeling sorry for myself, I would invest myself in Life.

Beginning at the end of May, I set Thursdays aside for baking. On Fridays, I took my "goodies" to the local Farmer's Market to sell. The proceeds from this venture are going to help support an orphanage in Haiti.

This is not as selfless as it sounds. Doing it this way allows me to fully enjoy the Market experience without getting caught up in whether the return is worth the effort I am putting into it.

In early July, I took time out to go to a four-day "Aboriginal Experience" in Tatamagouche, Nova Scotia. Awesome stuff! Those four days were full of little miracles and synchronicities. From there I went to Truro, Nova Scotia for a 3-day Dream Workshop.

Since my return, I did crafts with children at two week-long Vacation Bible Schools and assisted at a third.

Busy, busy, busy. Plum full of adventures.

And now I am feeling the need to create little pockets of space to process all these new and wonderful life experiences.

Summer is winding down now. And I am grateful for all that I have experienced this summer. But I am even more grateful to pick up my life "as I know it" once again.

A heartfelt hello to my faithful friends who expressed concern at my absence.

It feels so good to be in your presence once again.

Cat Stevens

Cat Stevens...............

His name came up today in something I was reading on the web. I have always loved his song "Morning Has Broken". Wondering whatever became of him, I decided to see if I could find some of his music on YouTube.

Not only did I end up spending an enjoyable afternoon with him and his music, I found out where he had disappeared to.

What a remarkable life he has led!

What a remarkable man!