In God I trust

There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves.

L.M. Montgomery

Personal update in the life of this budding rose.

When I let go of the reins and let God control my life, amazing things happen. Things like minor miracles, love experiences, etc. All it takes on my part is accepting each moment as it happens.

Wednesday my young (adult) granddaughter treated herself to some peppermint tea and (diabetic-safe) cocoanut cookies when we made our grocery run. Middle of the afternoon she shows up in my kitchen with an invitation to join her in this safe indulgence. It was absolutely delightful - this unexpected social call.

Wednesday evening, we had another immense dumping of snow on us overnight followed by freezing rain. I called the man who plows my driveway to let him know that I had an early morning appointment for my second laser treatment (which proved to be even more painful than the first one; but worth it because I am noticing slight improvement in my vision already.)

Thursday morning, the woman I engaged to chauffeur me on the hundred mile trip to my appointment kindly shovelled a path in the knee-deep snow for me to get from the door to her shiny, black (new) car. She proved to be a delightful person with whom I had a lot in common; and we enjoyed stimulating conversation all the way there and back home again.

Slight mishap on the way into the city due to very slippery road conditions. A transport truck was sideways on the road just ahead of us on the downhill ramp. The car behind him got stopped. The pickup truck in front of us just barely got stopped. My driver slowly put on her brakes - but no luck - we just slid into the back of the pickup truck. No damage at all to the pickup truck; but the hood of my driver's car was crumpled like a candy bar wrapper.

I still had to get the rest of the way to the hospital for my laser treatment; and her car was no longer driveable. After we waited for the police to arrive and write up the accident report, the driver of the pickup truck kindly offered to take me the rest of the way.

It was no easy matter to get my short (not very mobile) legs up into the highest pickup truck I had ever seen - but we managed. It must have been quite a sight for the onlookers; but I didn't concern myself with that as I struggled to get myself up a level or two in order to complete my journey.

I think I will end my post at this point as I let the deep symbolism of those words sink into my being - AS I STRUGGLED TO GET MYSELF UP A LEVEL OR TWO IN ORDER TO COMPLETE MY JOURNEY.

It Only Hurts If You Let It

To the extent that we want
something from someone,

To that exact degree
we will be in pain,

For it is desire
that brings pain

And it is love
that brings joy.

- Joan Walsh Anglund

A Mary Heart In A Martha World

We were driving home one winter from a retreat when we encountered a detour that took us off the main highway onto a snow-packed dirt road. Mile after mile we drove, the only car on the vast Montana plain, with only a barbed-wire fence to outline the way.

"I think we're lost," I said to my husband.

"We're not lost," he said, "Go back to sleep."

I don't know how much farther we drove but I awoke when the car finally slowed down and turned into a driveway - the only driveway, I learned later that my husband had seen in the last fifty miles.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in time to see a small, rusty trailer leaning slightly into the wind. I looked over at my husband as he pulled the car to a stop.

"We're lost," he admitted.

BUT WE WEREN"T LOST AT ALL.

The old man who came out to greet us looked a bit disappointed when my husband crawled out of the car. It was his birthday, you see. And he had hoped against hope that the car he heard in the driveway was his son coming to visit from Minnesota.

But he seemed to cheer up as we stayed and chatted for a while, giving him as a birthday present a small, stuffed animal I'd bought on the trip. There was a tear in his eye but a smile on his face when he shook our hands and pointed the way back to the main road.

- Joanna Weaver

Happy Birthday, Brother

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. - From "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens

Yesterday would have been my brother's next birthday. I lit a candle for him and said a prayer for him, his wife and his daughter.

All those firsts are difficult; as most of us know.

I was just a little over one year old when he was born - a little mother even then. Or did I become a little mother because it was almost required of me? Who knows?

I found myself reflecting on the family dynamics that were in place at the time - understanding a little bit more - with no animosity towards anybody - just acceptance and understanding.

I reflected on my relationship with my brother; we were very close. I recalled many things about him that warmed my heart.

Happy Birthday, Brother! I will continue to treasure the things I loved about you as I complete my journey.

On The Lighter Side

Over and over again, I have been watching a video on YouTube. I swear that I enjoy it more each time I watch it. It is Pixar - Hippo & Dog - The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I wasted a whole day trying to figure out how to download it so I could show it to you - couldn't figure it out. I also couldn't understand the copyright laws. The numbers and letters were too small for me to see so I was not able to set up a link. Therefore, if you are curious enough to want to see it , you will have to take the long way around and look it up on YouTube.

I enjoy it as much as I do, I think, because it portrays the duality of me. Those two parts I know so well. Mary with her natural unrestrained buoyancy - and Martha with that usual look of disdain on her face that her counterpart brings out in her.

I LOVE IT! I have had to work on accepting both these parts of myself. This video helps me not only to accept them but to cherish them - delight in them - both of them - Mary and Martha.

Laser

I had my first laser treatment on my damaged eye yesterday.

My sister-in-law drove me the hundred miles we had to travel. It was an enjoyable trip. She is a non-stop talker so it kept me distracted from any nervousness I might have otherwise been feeling.

The young doctor is a real go-getter. I don't know if he double-boooks or triple-books his patients. I just know that you are guaranteed a 2-3 hour wait any time you go to see him. However, he is a very thorough doctor and really seems to "know his stuff".

The laser treatment itself is a very uncomfortable procedure but only takes five minutes. They strap your head in once you have your chin on the chin rest. Smart move! Because they then shoot 400 hunded injections of light into your eye. After about the first minute, you begin to feel like you can't tolerate any more; and the natural instinct is to recoil. It takes a concentrated effort to stay with it even though you have no other choice available at the moment.

I came out of there not being able to see anyting for the first little while. I immediately put on my dark sunglasses (that I got for just this occasion) and left them on until bedtime.

There seems to be a slight improvement in my vision already - although I can't help but wonder if it's just my imagination. Time will tell.

One down - four more to go.

Confirmation

It was like confirmation from the universe that the old identity is no more.

I went to withdraw some money from the bank; and the computer would no longer recognize or accept my card.

So I had to get a new card to go along with my new identity.

So it's official! My identity has changed - only the name(s) remain the same. I would never part with my PWW that was so honorably bestowed upon me.