This unexpected wave of grief caught me completely off-guard. I didn't recognize this tenacious inertia for what it was. I couldn't understand my reluctance to take the necessary next step on the projects that have been bringing so much joy into my life this past year.
Then I had a dream that I didn't fully understand. In exploring this dream, it took the lid off the feelings that were stirring beneath the inertia.
My friend and mentor turned ninety this past weekend; and there was a big celebration at the country hall. All night long, my eyes were drawn to those fortunate couples who were getting to live out their old age together. I wasn't even aware of the longing that was building up in me as I focused on these people.
Once it all came together for me, I wasn't surprised. I remember now that Easter has been my most difficult time of year since my husband passed away. He always came alive in the Spring after being a little depressed during the winter months. Being a carpenter, he was always called back to work in the Spring. And he could also get busy planting his flower gardens and his vegetable garden.
He was always filled with New Life in the Spring; and it brought so much joy into my heart to watch him work at these things he loved so much. Other people must have felt the same because after a long winter of being "holed up"; they would see him working in his gardens with country music playing away; and they would drop in to watch him work.
At Bible Study today, we got discussing everyone's Easter traditions - and while it brought with it some poignant grief; it also brought to mind many treasured memories.
Memories that are forever mine to keep!
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3 comments:
Hi Rambling Rose, I enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for dropping by and commenting on my dream site. Keep in touch.
Ahh, Yes, Rose.........we still have those moments, don't we? Aren't we lucky though that we had our "special men" in our lives? They are still part of us - always will be. I thank God every single day for giving me 24 years with my man. Suggestion: Plant a special flower or plant in his honor. It'll make you smile when it blooms - and bring warmth to your heart.
Hugs, as always!
That's the way I look at it too, DW. You still have to "feel the feelings" when they come up; but I would not be who I am today if I had not had him in my life. So many gifts that I have today, he planted the seed for.
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