Memories Are For Keeps

This unexpected wave of grief caught me completely off-guard. I didn't recognize this tenacious inertia for what it was. I couldn't understand my reluctance to take the necessary next step on the projects that have been bringing so much joy into my life this past year.

Then I had a dream that I didn't fully understand. In exploring this dream, it took the lid off the feelings that were stirring beneath the inertia.

My friend and mentor turned ninety this past weekend; and there was a big celebration at the country hall. All night long, my eyes were drawn to those fortunate couples who were getting to live out their old age together. I wasn't even aware of the longing that was building up in me as I focused on these people.

Once it all came together for me, I wasn't surprised. I remember now that Easter has been my most difficult time of year since my husband passed away. He always came alive in the Spring after being a little depressed during the winter months. Being a carpenter, he was always called back to work in the Spring. And he could also get busy planting his flower gardens and his vegetable garden.

He was always filled with New Life in the Spring; and it brought so much joy into my heart to watch him work at these things he loved so much. Other people must have felt the same because after a long winter of being "holed up"; they would see him working in his gardens with country music playing away; and they would drop in to watch him work.

At Bible Study today, we got discussing everyone's Easter traditions - and while it brought with it some poignant grief; it also brought to mind many treasured memories.

Memories that are forever mine to keep!

It's A New Day

Many of us have damaged our bodies in one way or another by the time we reach my age.

All we can do about it is love ourselves where we are at; and do the best we can with what we have left.

Poetry In Motion

A friend of mine has a new man in her life. He is a butcher.

"Watching him cut meat is like poetry," she says.

I know just what she means.

Anyone who has ever watched a person doing work they love would know exactly what she means.

As would anybody who has ever watched with the eyes of their heart wide open.

I am very happy for her. I remember being there; and it was wonderful.

Life Lessons

Got one of those emails from a friend today that you are supposed to pass on to several other people. I hate emailing them to other people; but every now and again, they are worth receiving.

This is the reminder that came to me from today's email:

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need - to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

I realize how much I have grown over the years - not only from interactions with the people who loved me enough to realize and respect my sensitivities - but even more from processing the interactions with all the others - those who loved me but could never bring themselves to show it - those who never saw anything in me worth loving - and the countless others who came and went in my lifetime that fit somewhere in between those three categories.

I give thanks to all of you - whether you were in my life for just a moment or for a long time. I am who I am today because of each and every one of you. I have no regrets; I could not have done it without you.

Some lessons take a lifetime to learn.

In God I trust

There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves.

L.M. Montgomery

Personal update in the life of this budding rose.

When I let go of the reins and let God control my life, amazing things happen. Things like minor miracles, love experiences, etc. All it takes on my part is accepting each moment as it happens.

Wednesday my young (adult) granddaughter treated herself to some peppermint tea and (diabetic-safe) cocoanut cookies when we made our grocery run. Middle of the afternoon she shows up in my kitchen with an invitation to join her in this safe indulgence. It was absolutely delightful - this unexpected social call.

Wednesday evening, we had another immense dumping of snow on us overnight followed by freezing rain. I called the man who plows my driveway to let him know that I had an early morning appointment for my second laser treatment (which proved to be even more painful than the first one; but worth it because I am noticing slight improvement in my vision already.)

Thursday morning, the woman I engaged to chauffeur me on the hundred mile trip to my appointment kindly shovelled a path in the knee-deep snow for me to get from the door to her shiny, black (new) car. She proved to be a delightful person with whom I had a lot in common; and we enjoyed stimulating conversation all the way there and back home again.

Slight mishap on the way into the city due to very slippery road conditions. A transport truck was sideways on the road just ahead of us on the downhill ramp. The car behind him got stopped. The pickup truck in front of us just barely got stopped. My driver slowly put on her brakes - but no luck - we just slid into the back of the pickup truck. No damage at all to the pickup truck; but the hood of my driver's car was crumpled like a candy bar wrapper.

I still had to get the rest of the way to the hospital for my laser treatment; and her car was no longer driveable. After we waited for the police to arrive and write up the accident report, the driver of the pickup truck kindly offered to take me the rest of the way.

It was no easy matter to get my short (not very mobile) legs up into the highest pickup truck I had ever seen - but we managed. It must have been quite a sight for the onlookers; but I didn't concern myself with that as I struggled to get myself up a level or two in order to complete my journey.

I think I will end my post at this point as I let the deep symbolism of those words sink into my being - AS I STRUGGLED TO GET MYSELF UP A LEVEL OR TWO IN ORDER TO COMPLETE MY JOURNEY.

It Only Hurts If You Let It

To the extent that we want
something from someone,

To that exact degree
we will be in pain,

For it is desire
that brings pain

And it is love
that brings joy.

- Joan Walsh Anglund