Physician-Assisted Suicide

I took part in an online survey yesterday "Should physician-assisted suicide be legalized?"

I could not believe the figures so far - 79% were in favor of it.

I honestly feel that this move is so far in the wrong direction.

For one thing, so many people would feel guilted into taking this route rather than burden their loved ones when they are no longer able to care for themselves. And if they didn't already feel this way, I know many people who would only too gladly help them come to this conclusion.

And another thing that some people don't realize is that the end time of a person's life presents many opportunities for very intimate moments of reconciliation. Healing both for the persons as individuals - and their relationship. Healings for brokenness that they often are not even aware of on a conscious level at the time.

With modern technology, we have the means to keep people as comfortable as possible throuhout their transition.

We just need to learn to be "present" to people who are making this very sacred journey.

Echoes of a Dark Nature

The question to ask myself is not "Can I forgive my friend for behaving this way towards me?"

but rather:

"Am I able to forgive myself for having as part of my makeup that offensive quality she echoed for me?"

Lovingkindness

The teacher asked the pupils to tell the meaning of lovingkindness.

A little boy jumped up and said, "Well, if I was hungry and someone gave me a piece of bread, that would be kindness.

But if they put a little jelly on it, that would be lovingkindness.

( from God's Little Devotional Book For Women)

My Dance Of Late

One step forward.

Stop and ponder.

Another step forward.

Stop and ponder.

Get caught up in the flow of things.

Get dropped back down to earth again.

Pick myself up.

Shake off the dust.

Stop and ponder.

One step forward...............

Backing Into Things

Until now I never thought backing into things could work in one's favor.

I was always one to shy away from a situation; or embrace it with every part of my being. There was no middle ground.

Since my car accident, I notice that I find it easier to leave a building backwards - easing myself down onto the top step. I also find it easier to enter a vehicle in the same way - easing myself backwards down onto the seat.

Finlly, after four years of this working well for me, I am learning that it also benefits me in certain life experiences.

I no longer shy away from new experiences or embrace them wholeheartedly right from the beginning. Instead I sort of ease myself gently into them in a backward sort of way.

Hey - whatever works!

Memories Are For Keeps

This unexpected wave of grief caught me completely off-guard. I didn't recognize this tenacious inertia for what it was. I couldn't understand my reluctance to take the necessary next step on the projects that have been bringing so much joy into my life this past year.

Then I had a dream that I didn't fully understand. In exploring this dream, it took the lid off the feelings that were stirring beneath the inertia.

My friend and mentor turned ninety this past weekend; and there was a big celebration at the country hall. All night long, my eyes were drawn to those fortunate couples who were getting to live out their old age together. I wasn't even aware of the longing that was building up in me as I focused on these people.

Once it all came together for me, I wasn't surprised. I remember now that Easter has been my most difficult time of year since my husband passed away. He always came alive in the Spring after being a little depressed during the winter months. Being a carpenter, he was always called back to work in the Spring. And he could also get busy planting his flower gardens and his vegetable garden.

He was always filled with New Life in the Spring; and it brought so much joy into my heart to watch him work at these things he loved so much. Other people must have felt the same because after a long winter of being "holed up"; they would see him working in his gardens with country music playing away; and they would drop in to watch him work.

At Bible Study today, we got discussing everyone's Easter traditions - and while it brought with it some poignant grief; it also brought to mind many treasured memories.

Memories that are forever mine to keep!

Notes To Myself

I often write notes to myself - sometimes from deep inside myself - sometimes something I read or overheard that I want to remember. Often there is only enough time to write a hastily scribbled note on a piece of paper.

I recently came across one such piece of paper that reminded me to:

"Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, where you are."

My sister made me aware of a fun (free) way to provide rice for the poor http://www.freerice.com/ . Check out the short video on the left of the screen.

I make a point of going there once a day and send a few grains of rice to some hungry person. There are several topics to choose from; and every correct answer sends 10 grains of rice across the world.

The subject I stick with is vocabulary because I have always loved words. They even have an art section for you art lovers.

Go ahead - give it a try - let me know how you make out.

"The heart that gives, gathers."

Happy Valentine's Day

I know that I am a few days early but this will give people time to reflect on the little kindnesses they would like to pass on to people in their world this Valentine's Day.

I am spending this week getting the last of the Christmas things put away - running a little behind this year.

At the same time I am doing this, I am keeping a close eye out for anything I might be able to pass on to the different non-profit organizations in our area - just part of my regular January cleanup - creating spaces for God to fill.

I enjoy doing unexpected little things to bring a smile to somebody's heart for Valentine's Day -not big expensive things - just a little something to express the warm feelings I have for this person - or a little something to express gratitude for a kindness a person has recently shown me.

To quote Carol Holmes: "A happy life is made up of little things - a gift sent, a letter written, a call made, a recommendation given, transportation provided, a cake made, a book lent, a check sent."

Sometimes throughout the year, life gets too busy for me to always do these things; so Valentine's Day is when I schedule some space in my life for a few of these little heartwarming gestures.

And we are all familiar with Mother Teresa's now famous quote: "W can do no great things; only small things with great love."

So my wish for you is to "Have a Happy Valentine's Day.

Life Lessons

Got one of those emails from a friend today that you are supposed to pass on to several other people. I hate emailing them to other people; but every now and again, they are worth receiving.

This is the reminder that came to me from today's email:

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need - to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

I realize how much I have grown over the years - not only from interactions with the people who loved me enough to realize and respect my sensitivities - but even more from processing the interactions with all the others - those who loved me but could never bring themselves to show it - those who never saw anything in me worth loving - and the countless others who came and went in my lifetime that fit somewhere in between those three categories.

I give thanks to all of you - whether you were in my life for just a moment or for a long time. I am who I am today because of each and every one of you. I have no regrets; I could not have done it without you.

Some lessons take a lifetime to learn.

In God I trust

There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it, and the hand to gather it to ourselves.

L.M. Montgomery

Personal update in the life of this budding rose.

When I let go of the reins and let God control my life, amazing things happen. Things like minor miracles, love experiences, etc. All it takes on my part is accepting each moment as it happens.

Wednesday my young (adult) granddaughter treated herself to some peppermint tea and (diabetic-safe) cocoanut cookies when we made our grocery run. Middle of the afternoon she shows up in my kitchen with an invitation to join her in this safe indulgence. It was absolutely delightful - this unexpected social call.

Wednesday evening, we had another immense dumping of snow on us overnight followed by freezing rain. I called the man who plows my driveway to let him know that I had an early morning appointment for my second laser treatment (which proved to be even more painful than the first one; but worth it because I am noticing slight improvement in my vision already.)

Thursday morning, the woman I engaged to chauffeur me on the hundred mile trip to my appointment kindly shovelled a path in the knee-deep snow for me to get from the door to her shiny, black (new) car. She proved to be a delightful person with whom I had a lot in common; and we enjoyed stimulating conversation all the way there and back home again.

Slight mishap on the way into the city due to very slippery road conditions. A transport truck was sideways on the road just ahead of us on the downhill ramp. The car behind him got stopped. The pickup truck in front of us just barely got stopped. My driver slowly put on her brakes - but no luck - we just slid into the back of the pickup truck. No damage at all to the pickup truck; but the hood of my driver's car was crumpled like a candy bar wrapper.

I still had to get the rest of the way to the hospital for my laser treatment; and her car was no longer driveable. After we waited for the police to arrive and write up the accident report, the driver of the pickup truck kindly offered to take me the rest of the way.

It was no easy matter to get my short (not very mobile) legs up into the highest pickup truck I had ever seen - but we managed. It must have been quite a sight for the onlookers; but I didn't concern myself with that as I struggled to get myself up a level or two in order to complete my journey.

I think I will end my post at this point as I let the deep symbolism of those words sink into my being - AS I STRUGGLED TO GET MYSELF UP A LEVEL OR TWO IN ORDER TO COMPLETE MY JOURNEY.

Inner Guidance

Did you ever give your all to a project that ended successfully....and you're pleased....but tired.

And now that it is over, you realize it was only a drop in the bucket - so much more is needed. But you don't know where to go from here.

I was making the mistake, at this point, of letting my head do the thinking instead of my heart.

And I was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

Good thing a friend reminded me to just "BE" in the moment. That is when you are in direct alignment with God - and only then can you expect to be guided.

On The Road Again

Do not dwell in the past.
Do not dream of the future.
Concentrate the mind on the
present moment.

- Buddha

This is how I am living my life these days................

And I am having trouble keeping up with myself.

It is exciting. It is exhilarating. Not for one minute is it boring.

I do not stop to think, "Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?" Only, "Is this what I want to be doing this moment?"

If the answer is yes, then I go for it.

I have no idea where any of it will lead me - and it doesn't matter. If I am doing what I want to be doing in the moment, then I can rest assured life will take me where I am meant to go.

Not A Caterpillar Any More

"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively.

"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

-Trina Paulus (Hello From Heaven)

This has been a busy week - full of Life; and a death. An exciting week - with many twists and turns. It was one of those weeks where you have no other choice but to go with the flow - no time to stop and think where anything might be leading - because you are too busy responding to Life.

And now with the weekend ahead of me, I can catch up to myself. Incorporate some of what I have experienced. Become grounded once again.

Get in touch with myself - a little bit changed by all that has been going on around me - but not so much that a lot of work has to be done to be in tune.

I feel more relaxed with Life than I ever have in the past - more comfortable with myself and with others than I can ever remember being.

It is so much fun interacting with people when you feel comfortable with yourself - and can just Be.

I have always admired (maybe even envied) people who felt comfortable with who they were. You could tell they felt at home with themselves in a way not everybody does.

I can't tell anyone how to get to that spot with themselves. I just know that I have finally made it to that spot with myself. Perhaps part of it is learning to love and accept yourself just as you are instead of holding out until you are nicer or prettier - or even more slender.

Try it; it really is worth the effort.

Attitude - Who Me?

A word of explanation to my faithful readers as to why I haven't been blogging much lately.

When I dropped the role of grieving widow this spring and rejoined the human race, I found that I was having to "feel my way" with every step I took.

Maybe part of me was waiting for the "bottom to drop out".

I think I dare to express some of what I am experiencing now that I have "my feet under me".

Yesterday a friend shared some information with me which made me realize that I really can trust the Universe (Higher Power, God). I haven't done much of that since the love of my life succumbed to cancer nearly seven years ago.

Today I was forced to acknowledge once again that "acceptance is the simple act of going through what is presently facing me - Without an attitude."

Living Simply

I have saved this for years - always aspiring to live up to it - often falling far short to parts of it. It was written by William Ellery Channing:

MY SYMPHONY

To live content with small means;
To seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
To be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not rich;
To study hard, think quietly,
talk gently, act frankly;
To listen to stars and birds, to babes
and sages, with open heart;
To bear all cheerfully, do all bravely,
await occasion, hurry never;
In a word, to let the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious, grow up
through the common ....
this is to be my symphony.

Connection

We came together at a book study - knowing each other only well enough to say "hello" to.

We had each walked very different paths up until then.

She was very Conscious, Aware, Responsible and Effective in the outside world.

I was very Conscious, Aware, Responsible and Effective in my inner world.

I had just reached the point in my life's journey where I was willing to see what I could do in the outside world - coming fully from Self rather than under the guise of all the different roles I had played in my lifetime.

I got the impression from different things she said that she was at the point in her life journey where she thinking of exploring her inner world a little more deeply.

Present one to the other - two very seemingly different people - not so different after all - just coming at life from different directions.

That momentary connection was powerful. Stimulating. Life-giving.

Being Present to the moment is not something we give a lot of thought or awareness to until someone like Eckhart Tolle comes along reminding you of the importance of being Present.

Sometimes we are enjoying the moment so much that we are fully Present to it. Other times we only half give ourselves to the moment - being occupied with other thoughts that are consuming us.

My memories are taking me back to many familiar moments. Interesting that even now, after all these years, I can pinpoint which ones I was fully Present to and which ones were marred by my unavailability. Moments I wish I could do over and be Present to. That not being possible, all I can do is focus on not letting any more opportunities for Connection pass me by.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

I have started over so many times in my life - in one way or another. And each time I started over, I had to deal with that element of fear.

Where does that fear come from? What's behind it? Do I really need to know?

Or do I just need to feel the fear - and do it anyway!