Memories Are For Keeps

This unexpected wave of grief caught me completely off-guard. I didn't recognize this tenacious inertia for what it was. I couldn't understand my reluctance to take the necessary next step on the projects that have been bringing so much joy into my life this past year.

Then I had a dream that I didn't fully understand. In exploring this dream, it took the lid off the feelings that were stirring beneath the inertia.

My friend and mentor turned ninety this past weekend; and there was a big celebration at the country hall. All night long, my eyes were drawn to those fortunate couples who were getting to live out their old age together. I wasn't even aware of the longing that was building up in me as I focused on these people.

Once it all came together for me, I wasn't surprised. I remember now that Easter has been my most difficult time of year since my husband passed away. He always came alive in the Spring after being a little depressed during the winter months. Being a carpenter, he was always called back to work in the Spring. And he could also get busy planting his flower gardens and his vegetable garden.

He was always filled with New Life in the Spring; and it brought so much joy into my heart to watch him work at these things he loved so much. Other people must have felt the same because after a long winter of being "holed up"; they would see him working in his gardens with country music playing away; and they would drop in to watch him work.

At Bible Study today, we got discussing everyone's Easter traditions - and while it brought with it some poignant grief; it also brought to mind many treasured memories.

Memories that are forever mine to keep!

Notes To Myself

I often write notes to myself - sometimes from deep inside myself - sometimes something I read or overheard that I want to remember. Often there is only enough time to write a hastily scribbled note on a piece of paper.

I recently came across one such piece of paper that reminded me to:

"Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, where you are."

My sister made me aware of a fun (free) way to provide rice for the poor http://www.freerice.com/ . Check out the short video on the left of the screen.

I make a point of going there once a day and send a few grains of rice to some hungry person. There are several topics to choose from; and every correct answer sends 10 grains of rice across the world.

The subject I stick with is vocabulary because I have always loved words. They even have an art section for you art lovers.

Go ahead - give it a try - let me know how you make out.

"The heart that gives, gathers."

A World Of Difference

"It makes me feel weak," the young man said. "I don't like that feeling."

"Are you sure it is weakness that you are in touch with," I responded, "or just vulnerability."

He thought for a moment and decided I was right.

Poetry In Motion

A friend of mine has a new man in her life. He is a butcher.

"Watching him cut meat is like poetry," she says.

I know just what she means.

Anyone who has ever watched a person doing work they love would know exactly what she means.

As would anybody who has ever watched with the eyes of their heart wide open.

I am very happy for her. I remember being there; and it was wonderful.

Happy Valentine's Day

I know that I am a few days early but this will give people time to reflect on the little kindnesses they would like to pass on to people in their world this Valentine's Day.

I am spending this week getting the last of the Christmas things put away - running a little behind this year.

At the same time I am doing this, I am keeping a close eye out for anything I might be able to pass on to the different non-profit organizations in our area - just part of my regular January cleanup - creating spaces for God to fill.

I enjoy doing unexpected little things to bring a smile to somebody's heart for Valentine's Day -not big expensive things - just a little something to express the warm feelings I have for this person - or a little something to express gratitude for a kindness a person has recently shown me.

To quote Carol Holmes: "A happy life is made up of little things - a gift sent, a letter written, a call made, a recommendation given, transportation provided, a cake made, a book lent, a check sent."

Sometimes throughout the year, life gets too busy for me to always do these things; so Valentine's Day is when I schedule some space in my life for a few of these little heartwarming gestures.

And we are all familiar with Mother Teresa's now famous quote: "W can do no great things; only small things with great love."

So my wish for you is to "Have a Happy Valentine's Day.

A Look At Love

The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.

- Helen Keller


Two images came to my mind when I read these words a week or so ago. One was the image of a tough ex-marine enjoying milk and cookies with his toddler granddaughter - as shared on his blog.

The other image that came up for me was witnessed by my granddaughter - The aging alcoholic was sitting in his usual spot - the bench not far from the liquor store - waiting for it to open. A well-dressed man went up to him and, giving him a sandwich said, "You be sure to eat that before you start drinking, now, so you don't get sick."

A Special Tribute To Dads Who Cook

Wollf left a comment on my food blog which opened the door for many wonderful memories to walk across my mind today. I had great fun reliving food experiences with my Dad.

He worked six days a week, and had a quick breakfast on these days; but on his day off (Sundays) he liked to cook. He would start out by putting coffee on to perk and then prepare himself some bacon and eggs. This tradition continued long after we all married and left home. When we vacationed at home, many of us would make sure we were up out of bed in time to have breakfast cooked for us by Dad.

After breakfast, he would throw together a batch of whole wheat rolls to serve with the roast beef he was going to cook for Sunday dinner.

Shortly before I got married, he started making clam chowder for supper on Friday nights. I was the only other person in the house who would eat clam chowder, so he would make a small batch for the two of us. For many months after I got married, I would walk back up home on Friday nights just to join him for chowder night.

In later years he started having some Saturdays off and he got into making pizza or lasagne or sweet and sour spareribs; but those memories belong to some of the younger children. I know about them but was rarely there to be a part of them.

We seem to take for granted those endless meals our mothers prepare for us while treasuring the few that our fathers prepare.

My second husband endeared himself to my grown daughter and two granddaughters by cooking them their own special pancakes every now and then shaped in their initials. They felt so loved every time he did this for them.

And until he died, Christmas mornings were special because he and my son would cook breakfast for us "womenfolk". Needless to say, it became the most special breakfast of the year.

Bet you Dads didn't realize what long-lasting memories you are creating in the kitchen.

Life On Our Planet

Today I am realizing that the most important thing in the world for each of us is to find a way to express all the love that is uniquely ours to give.

It will be expressed in different guises throughout our lifetime. And some of the ways we find to express it, we will be better at than other ways.

Our expressions of love will not always be recognized by others for what they are - feeble or misguided attempts to express our love.

Sometimes the love we have to give will probably be expressed in some pretty warped ways as we try to find our way back to sanity.

We all have our wounded areas that interfere with our abilities to freely express the love we came into this world with; but these imperfections are what make each of us the special people that we are capable of becoming.

Let The Love Flow

I remember reading someplace once that you should not hate your addiction. It is your doorway to God.

At that time, I really could not understand what they were talking about. But I guess I must have filed it away somewhere so it could resurface once I grew to the point where I had experienced a little bit of that truth for myself.

Whenever I fought my addiction, it just grew stronger - gaining another foothold on my soul.

Finally, I surrendered to it. "I don't have any more time to waste fighting you," I said to my addiction. "I am going to live my life in spite of you."

And that is when I found out that my addiction was hiding a gift of hospitality that comes natural to me. An awareness of, and a respect for, what happens when people break their fast (end their isolation) and come together over food. An enjoyment of one another. A reaching out towards one another. All that I hungered for was there all along. I just didn't recognize it because I was being distracted by the fight that was going on inside me.

God was there all along - right in the midst of things - telling me to chill out. Relax and let the love flow. Let go of those reins of control. The love energy is too strong to be controlled by human hands. It just requires an act of surrender on your part/my part.

We recognize the strength of that energy. We know that we can not control where it will take us. Funny when I think of it - because no matter where it takes us, it has to be better than where we are at. Control never takes us anywhere worth being. Surrender to any level of love seems to take an act of courage on our part. Is it a fear of heights that hold us back - because that is where love always takes us - to unimagined heights - new levels of awareness.

Eternity

Now is the hour
that shall never come again.
Now is the moment
I shall never forget.
You are the one I never met.
I recognize you
from unfamiliar feelings within,
feelings I have never known before.
I've been waiting
through all eternity
for your return.
I was an Indian maid
waiting on the shore
for the young cowboy
I knew would come no more.
My faith was strong enough
to see me through
all these years
of waiting for you.