Struggle For Survival

She died a hard death - that part of me that clung to responsibilities that were never hers to begin with.

Small wonder.

She thought it was her sole purpose for being.

Memories Are For Keeps

This unexpected wave of grief caught me completely off-guard. I didn't recognize this tenacious inertia for what it was. I couldn't understand my reluctance to take the necessary next step on the projects that have been bringing so much joy into my life this past year.

Then I had a dream that I didn't fully understand. In exploring this dream, it took the lid off the feelings that were stirring beneath the inertia.

My friend and mentor turned ninety this past weekend; and there was a big celebration at the country hall. All night long, my eyes were drawn to those fortunate couples who were getting to live out their old age together. I wasn't even aware of the longing that was building up in me as I focused on these people.

Once it all came together for me, I wasn't surprised. I remember now that Easter has been my most difficult time of year since my husband passed away. He always came alive in the Spring after being a little depressed during the winter months. Being a carpenter, he was always called back to work in the Spring. And he could also get busy planting his flower gardens and his vegetable garden.

He was always filled with New Life in the Spring; and it brought so much joy into my heart to watch him work at these things he loved so much. Other people must have felt the same because after a long winter of being "holed up"; they would see him working in his gardens with country music playing away; and they would drop in to watch him work.

At Bible Study today, we got discussing everyone's Easter traditions - and while it brought with it some poignant grief; it also brought to mind many treasured memories.

Memories that are forever mine to keep!

Family

A person travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.

- George Moore

My son and his wife were home for a few days. It was wonderful having them here once again. Monday my son spent his whole morning in the living room on one conference call after the other. His wife was sitting in the kitchen chatting with my granddaughter while getting her hair straightened.

I found myself totally relaxing - contented with the sounds of family going about their business around me.

New and different sounds but comforting in their familiarity.

This morning, I am remembering what it was like for me when I was younger - returning home for a visit and then back to my busy life - refreshed, refueled, renewed by my visit home.

Now I am the one being left behind at the home place - the one keeping the home fires burning. But once again I feel those same feelings - of being refreshed, refueled, renewed by the visit.

I remember reading somewhere once that at the end of the day, eagles get together with their loved ones - touching each other - snuggling into one another - that physical contact giving them what they needed.

It's amazing to me just how comforting it is hearing your family coming and going around you. It's my age, I guess. But I needed this visit - the contentment I feel will keep me going through the remainder of this long, cold winter.

This unexpected visit has brought spring back into my heart. And the memories will see me through whatever life brings.