She's a Keeper

Taken from "Living Gently in a Violent World" by Stanley Hauerwas and Jean Vanier:

"I know a man who lives in Paris. His wife has Alzheimer's. He was an important businessman - his life filled with busyness. But he said that when his wife fell sick, 'I just couldn't put her in an institution, so I keep her. I feed her. I bathe her.'

I went to Paris to visit them, and this businessman who had been very busy all his life said, 'I have changed. I have become more human.'

I got a letter from him recently. He said that in the middle of the night his wife woke him up.

She came out of the fog for a moment, and she said, 'Darling, I just want to say thank you for all you're doing for me.' Then she fell back into the fog. He said, 'I wept and I wept.' "

Physician-Assisted Suicide

I took part in an online survey yesterday "Should physician-assisted suicide be legalized?"

I could not believe the figures so far - 79% were in favor of it.

I honestly feel that this move is so far in the wrong direction.

For one thing, so many people would feel guilted into taking this route rather than burden their loved ones when they are no longer able to care for themselves. And if they didn't already feel this way, I know many people who would only too gladly help them come to this conclusion.

And another thing that some people don't realize is that the end time of a person's life presents many opportunities for very intimate moments of reconciliation. Healing both for the persons as individuals - and their relationship. Healings for brokenness that they often are not even aware of on a conscious level at the time.

With modern technology, we have the means to keep people as comfortable as possible throuhout their transition.

We just need to learn to be "present" to people who are making this very sacred journey.

Mystical Moments

My favorite part of Christmas are those unexpected, magical moments that border on the mystical.

Watch for them.

They are there for each and every one of us to savor if we remain open to them.

Looking Through Eyes Of Love

He was a weak knight who I dressed in shining armor.

I was damaged goods - a damsel in distress.

Two imperfect people in an imperfect world.

Oh, but, he made my heart sing.

And we made beautiful music together.

Music that, while not perfect, managed to bring out the best in each of us for the seventeen years we were together.

Life Patterns

Life patterns are not easily recognized - probably because they are so much a part of who we are and how we relate to the world.

My dreams lately have been showing me that I have returned to an old pattern - one that does not work well for me, at that.

I watched and waited patiently for this pattern to reveal itself more fully to me.

Once I started creating spaces in my life for my health and well-being, this pattern was reflected in my eating habits.

Surprise, surprise!

The tendency to put too much on my plate started happening once again. This is when I noticed that I was taking on too much in other areas of my life, as well.

Work that a large part of me did not even want to do; but a small part of me did not want to give up.

What small part of me feels so rewarded by this work that it is content to bury me in it - to the point where there is no energy left to enjoy the finer parts of life?

Curious!

Grief Resolved

It was like a mule kicked me in the stomach.

Unexpectedly. Seemingly from out of nowhere.

The impact of long lost feelings of love I had forgotten ever existed.

My grief after my first husband died was pulled in so many directions - most of them painful.

Memories that held me hostage for many years.

But this road had not been explored.

Probably for survival's sake..........

An unexpected sob escaped my lips as the tears flowed.

And shortly after, happier memories began to surface.

Taking The Blinders Off

"When you know how things REALLY are, your brain rejects bogus data, and your chances for being deceived diminish." - Self Matters calendar.

I remember now why I always enjoyed working together with young people rather than adults. It eliminates all the game-playing and hidden agendas. What you see is what you get!

Years ago, I was knocked completely off-kilter when I got involved in community work as part of an organization. It took me years to sort out what happened - and move on from there.

From that point on, I worked as a single agent - keeping "tuned in" to my Higher Power - alert for ways to be of service to others while being true to myself.

A year ago, I decided it was time to learn how to work as part of a group (a church group). Today my disillusion with the results of these efforts are causing me to rethink this decision.

Am I really a part of a group of people working together - or am I (like once before) the person doing all the work, taking all the risks, and they are just sharing the credit? This wouldn't be a problem except that I know from past experience, somewhere along the way, people start giving you more credit than the others and then the crucifixion begins.

I still believe more can be accomplished with people "working together", but I realize now that reality checks are important each step of the way. This is no time to have the blinders on!

It's A New Day

Many of us have damaged our bodies in one way or another by the time we reach my age.

All we can do about it is love ourselves where we are at; and do the best we can with what we have left.

A World Of Difference

"It makes me feel weak," the young man said. "I don't like that feeling."

"Are you sure it is weakness that you are in touch with," I responded, "or just vulnerability."

He thought for a moment and decided I was right.

Poetry In Motion

A friend of mine has a new man in her life. He is a butcher.

"Watching him cut meat is like poetry," she says.

I know just what she means.

Anyone who has ever watched a person doing work they love would know exactly what she means.

As would anybody who has ever watched with the eyes of their heart wide open.

I am very happy for her. I remember being there; and it was wonderful.

Happy Valentine's Day

I know that I am a few days early but this will give people time to reflect on the little kindnesses they would like to pass on to people in their world this Valentine's Day.

I am spending this week getting the last of the Christmas things put away - running a little behind this year.

At the same time I am doing this, I am keeping a close eye out for anything I might be able to pass on to the different non-profit organizations in our area - just part of my regular January cleanup - creating spaces for God to fill.

I enjoy doing unexpected little things to bring a smile to somebody's heart for Valentine's Day -not big expensive things - just a little something to express the warm feelings I have for this person - or a little something to express gratitude for a kindness a person has recently shown me.

To quote Carol Holmes: "A happy life is made up of little things - a gift sent, a letter written, a call made, a recommendation given, transportation provided, a cake made, a book lent, a check sent."

Sometimes throughout the year, life gets too busy for me to always do these things; so Valentine's Day is when I schedule some space in my life for a few of these little heartwarming gestures.

And we are all familiar with Mother Teresa's now famous quote: "W can do no great things; only small things with great love."

So my wish for you is to "Have a Happy Valentine's Day.

Family

A person travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.

- George Moore

My son and his wife were home for a few days. It was wonderful having them here once again. Monday my son spent his whole morning in the living room on one conference call after the other. His wife was sitting in the kitchen chatting with my granddaughter while getting her hair straightened.

I found myself totally relaxing - contented with the sounds of family going about their business around me.

New and different sounds but comforting in their familiarity.

This morning, I am remembering what it was like for me when I was younger - returning home for a visit and then back to my busy life - refreshed, refueled, renewed by my visit home.

Now I am the one being left behind at the home place - the one keeping the home fires burning. But once again I feel those same feelings - of being refreshed, refueled, renewed by the visit.

I remember reading somewhere once that at the end of the day, eagles get together with their loved ones - touching each other - snuggling into one another - that physical contact giving them what they needed.

It's amazing to me just how comforting it is hearing your family coming and going around you. It's my age, I guess. But I needed this visit - the contentment I feel will keep me going through the remainder of this long, cold winter.

This unexpected visit has brought spring back into my heart. And the memories will see me through whatever life brings.

Life Lessons

Got one of those emails from a friend today that you are supposed to pass on to several other people. I hate emailing them to other people; but every now and again, they are worth receiving.

This is the reminder that came to me from today's email:

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you need - to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

I realize how much I have grown over the years - not only from interactions with the people who loved me enough to realize and respect my sensitivities - but even more from processing the interactions with all the others - those who loved me but could never bring themselves to show it - those who never saw anything in me worth loving - and the countless others who came and went in my lifetime that fit somewhere in between those three categories.

I give thanks to all of you - whether you were in my life for just a moment or for a long time. I am who I am today because of each and every one of you. I have no regrets; I could not have done it without you.

Some lessons take a lifetime to learn.

It Only Hurts If You Let It

To the extent that we want
something from someone,

To that exact degree
we will be in pain,

For it is desire
that brings pain

And it is love
that brings joy.

- Joan Walsh Anglund

A Mary Heart In A Martha World

We were driving home one winter from a retreat when we encountered a detour that took us off the main highway onto a snow-packed dirt road. Mile after mile we drove, the only car on the vast Montana plain, with only a barbed-wire fence to outline the way.

"I think we're lost," I said to my husband.

"We're not lost," he said, "Go back to sleep."

I don't know how much farther we drove but I awoke when the car finally slowed down and turned into a driveway - the only driveway, I learned later that my husband had seen in the last fifty miles.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in time to see a small, rusty trailer leaning slightly into the wind. I looked over at my husband as he pulled the car to a stop.

"We're lost," he admitted.

BUT WE WEREN"T LOST AT ALL.

The old man who came out to greet us looked a bit disappointed when my husband crawled out of the car. It was his birthday, you see. And he had hoped against hope that the car he heard in the driveway was his son coming to visit from Minnesota.

But he seemed to cheer up as we stayed and chatted for a while, giving him as a birthday present a small, stuffed animal I'd bought on the trip. There was a tear in his eye but a smile on his face when he shook our hands and pointed the way back to the main road.

- Joanna Weaver

Happy Birthday, Brother

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. - From "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens

Yesterday would have been my brother's next birthday. I lit a candle for him and said a prayer for him, his wife and his daughter.

All those firsts are difficult; as most of us know.

I was just a little over one year old when he was born - a little mother even then. Or did I become a little mother because it was almost required of me? Who knows?

I found myself reflecting on the family dynamics that were in place at the time - understanding a little bit more - with no animosity towards anybody - just acceptance and understanding.

I reflected on my relationship with my brother; we were very close. I recalled many things about him that warmed my heart.

Happy Birthday, Brother! I will continue to treasure the things I loved about you as I complete my journey.

On The Lighter Side

Over and over again, I have been watching a video on YouTube. I swear that I enjoy it more each time I watch it. It is Pixar - Hippo & Dog - The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I wasted a whole day trying to figure out how to download it so I could show it to you - couldn't figure it out. I also couldn't understand the copyright laws. The numbers and letters were too small for me to see so I was not able to set up a link. Therefore, if you are curious enough to want to see it , you will have to take the long way around and look it up on YouTube.

I enjoy it as much as I do, I think, because it portrays the duality of me. Those two parts I know so well. Mary with her natural unrestrained buoyancy - and Martha with that usual look of disdain on her face that her counterpart brings out in her.

I LOVE IT! I have had to work on accepting both these parts of myself. This video helps me not only to accept them but to cherish them - delight in them - both of them - Mary and Martha.

Klondike Kate

Kate was no young kitten when she first set out for the Klondike. She had led a full life in a town so small, it was not even on the map.

Actually she had never planned on leaving the soft warm nest of straw in the big, airy barn. She thought she would always stay in the small family circle with her older brother and sister. She was not very adventurous - much preferred the feelings of safety and security that the barn provided. Besides, the first time she ventured outside her comfort zone; she almost lost her life to two vultures who quickly swooped down upon her.

After that Kate's curiosity was satisfied by exploring the deep inner realms of her own nature; and until now they provided adventures enough to keep her satisfied.

Kate had a vivid imagination which provided a rich inner life in her daytime world. And she had long ago learned how to navigate the night time world of dreams which provided all the extra adventure she could handle.

She raised her two young kittens and watched them, and their kittens after them, make their mark on life's trail.

She was putting all her efforts into preparing for the final sleep that comes to everybody when she received an invitation to take a trip to the Klondike with some pioneers. They held out the promise of fine meals served on their best china.

They had covered too many miles for her to turn back by the time she realized this was not going to be a free ride. Everything has a price even if you don't realize it at the time. By choosing one thing, you give up another.

The pioneers kept their promise of eating on fine china every night - but the meal they served up was often beans and hot dogs. But that was okay. It was not the meals or the fine china that drew her anyway. It was the mystery of the wagon wheels - turning round and round. All those spokes reaching out from the same centre to an ever expanding universe. Was it the same with people? She had to find out.

She had searched deep enough inside herself to know her own true colors. But now she hungered to know what those colors would look like when mixed with the colors of others. She had a lot of good ideas; but her intensity scared most people off before they really got to know her. Only a handful of people got through all those walls she had built around herself many years ago.

One day she stumbled onto the trail of an illusionist who covered his heavy duty path with games. These games delighted the participants so much that they were deep into the fun of playing before they realized the painful price of admission was personal growth.

But it looked like everyone was having so much fun that she wanted to be a part of it. All she had to do was lighten up. She had been wanting to do this for quite some time now anyway - had even tried it once or twice - and found she enjoyed it. And everyone seemed to enjoy her so much more as well.

So without hesitation, she cast her old identity aside and gave herself over to permanently being Klondike Kate - explorer of the outer realms.

One Day At A Time

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Be as gentle and respectful with yourself as you are with others.

Embrace your past and dance
into your future.

Life is for living.

Prayer For The Day

The light of God surrounds me,
The love of God enfolds me,
The power of God protects me,
The presence of God watches over me.
Wherever I am, God is; and all is well.