Last night gentleness was heavy on my mind. Does that make sense? If you knew me, it would.
Nothing is ever a light matter for me. If I give thought to something - I give it heavy thought- even if the subject is gentleness.
In the second half of my life, I have felt strongly drawn to gentle people. It is like a magnetic force that I can not resist. Does anyone else realize how rare these people are? And I find myself wondering why they are so rare. Perhaps it takes great courage to be gentle. Anyone else have any thoughts on this subject?
If anyone had asked me in my younger days, I would have said that gentleness was just not a part of my makeup. But I know that is not true. I have experienced gentleness being called forth from me; and felt myself responding wholeheartedly. My second husband brought that part of me to life. Vulnerable people always bring out the gentleness in me. Perhaps because there is no need for me to protect myself from them?
I am also fully aware of where gentleness is called for but I am incapable of responding in that way. It has happened all too often the last three years since my niece has been with me. I know the situation calls for a gentle approach, and I painfully want to respond with the required gentleness; but the anxiety I am feeling inside is too strong. It overpowers all other emotions and demands to come first. It simply refuses to be denied. And the gentle response that so wishes to be spoken is swiftly killed by the nazi stormtrooper I sorely wish belonged to anybody else - not me. Please God - not me.
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Wow Rose - you hit me hard on this topic. I am also a widow and raising a teenage GRANDdaughter. My hubby was a 6'5" American Indian who made quite an imposing figure - and was unequovically the gentlest man God put on this earth. I was so blessed that he took it upon himself to share and teach this trait. I'm a true redhead, with all the stereotype bad traits, but he was a patient man and taught me well. As a redhead most would not see that in me, but my heart and soul share his gentleness. I don't have problems dealing with my GRANDdaughter, it's more on an adult level. Gentleness in heart, mind and even speaking, is something I admire and am drawn to, also. I hadn't thought about this or even realized how much it is missing in others. Prayers are coming to you.
Thank you so much for responding to a post that was very difficult for me to share. Thank you for not leaving me standing alone in my sorrow. And thank you for your prayers.
So often as human beings, we fall far short of what we desire to be -and that is why I shared even what I don't want anybody to know about me.
Different people bring out different things in us. My second husband brought out the best in me; and I in him. But where we really do the most growing is with the people that bring out those parts of us that we would rather hide from - pretending they are not there. But sometimes for the wellbeing of both parties, you have to step back from one another and do your growing an arm's length away from each other.
Today I am packing my niece's belongings for her while she is at school. We have been preparing ourselves for this day since before Christmas. It is not an easy one for either of us. We both wish it could have been different. Both of us so wanted it to work for us to be close in each other's lives. We care very deeply for each other. But, over time, it has become clear that the only way we have any hope of a healthy relationship is to do it living apart from each other.
It was that way between me and one of my granddaughters as well. Like my niece (and like myself as well) she is strong-willed and marches to her own drummer. We are very close now that she is grown and I am not responsible for governing her behavior. That is what I am hoping for with my niece.
I will hold onto those prayers, in the meantime, and add a few of my own. Thanks!
Oh Rose...what a day for you. I still remember when my GRANDdaughter decided to move back with her father (after my hubby died) and the feeling of aloneness. Although it was for a much different reason than what you are facing, I feel your pain. My heart is aching for you. But I totaly believe that it is for the best for both of you. That's why it's so painful. I have already sent prayers UP to get you through this. Be strong!
PWW....hope you don't mind a couple of large, muddy paw prints in your comments today?
Look back to where you were when you, as I, started our "private" journals.....You are at a point of self realisation now that you don't have to beat yourself up any more.
The Understanding of ourselves is the key. You now understand and can identify the things you want to work on. You have opened your Home and your Heart to her.
She knows that as well as anyone. My eldest, Heather, was headstrong and proud....to regain her, I had to let her go....to be herself....to use that which I had taught, both good AND bad, to shape her Soul.
Yours will be a grand and wonderful relationship with her. Because you were wise enough to see, and brave enough to....
Let go......Wollf decrees it. Don't mess with Wollf.
We care
Thank you, d.woman, for your generous words. I take great comfort in them and appreciate you sending them. And Wollf, dear Wollf, you are the only person I know (and don't know) who can make me laugh and make me cry all at the same time. Thank you.
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