Wild Things Grow In The Wilderness

Sister Grace told us: "You have to go into your darkness before you can go into the light." Your heart softens and then you can walk in the light."

Keith's dying opened the door that led to my wilderness. I had to struggle deep within myself to find the will to even continue living - to not "just give up the ghost."

When my 8 year old niece came to live with me three years later, I was forced to make my way out of my wilderness. I cannot say that I did this willingly.

Sparks would fly. I wanted to stay safe and secure in my dark coccoon; never feeling anything again. She, however, refused to take no for an answer. She NEEDED connection - and was looking for it from me. I was unable to ignore her persistence, so I would come out yelling.

This little she-bear did not care so long as we were connecting. She was the only person in my world strong enough to walk through my anger with me - she had so much of her own anger that we would just end up being angry together - for a little while - then both of us being peace lovers at heart, we would walk peacefully for another little while.

Eventually I said to her, "You know we are both in the same boat. We should just accept it and get along with each other." " What do you mean?" she asked. I answered her. "Well, you would rather be living with your mother but you can't; I would rather be living with Keith but I can't.
So we should make the best of things and try to live together in peace." She thought it over and
decided we could both put more effort into that.

Our third anniversary comes up next week. We are both doing so much better. And we have both been so good for each other in spite of all the feuds.

You wonder sometimes if God really knows what He is doing; but I guess when you are looking at the Big Picture, you see so much more. If we trust, God will cause even the dry places in us to blossom.