I always thought of surrendering as "giving up " or "giving in" - and I'm not a person who does either one for long. Sooner or later in the face of despair, I find my center and pick up the gauntlet once again.
But I now see that there is a more positive side to surrendering - one that has taken me a whole lifetime to learn - and that is to surrender by "letting go". The more I think about it, the more I realize that all of life is about learning to let go - or to be more precise - learning When to let go.
We enter this world "letting go" of the womb as we take our first breath; we leave this world "letting go" of our bodies as we take our last breath. And in between those two major points of surrender is the constant give-and-take of "holding on" and "letting go" - and learning how to recognize when it's time to hold on and when it's time to let go.
I have proven myself to be really good at "holding on" - many times when I would have been much better off "letting go" - of relationships that were not good for me, of judgments that were weighing me down, of people who were no longer my responsibility, of problems that were not mine in the first place, of ideas that institutions drilled into my head that never did fit me as an individual.
Now we will see how good I can become at "letting go" - of my past so I can embrace my future, of unhealthy attitudes so they can be replaced by more realistic ones, of bad habits so they can be replaced by healthier ones, of responsiblity for other people so they can learn to do it on their own.
I Surrender! It feels so good to say that to myself as I sit in my favorite spot typing away. I Surrender! It feels even better to say it as I face the world. I Surrender! It feels better still saying it in my heart as I turn to God.
I surrender all expectations of my self. I surrender all expectations of other people. I surrender all expectations of life.
I am a strong-willed person - have been all my life. And I must admit, that does have its benefits in life's struggles. But I see things differently now. I see that my view of the bigger picture is limited. I see that my strength will serve me better by using it to back up my surrender.
I "let go" of this year that is coming to an end - and I will walk into the New Year "holding on" to my surrendered state.
I will let God direct my path and I will put all of my energy into remaining open to His intentions for me. This is not a selfless act, believe me. Past experience has taught me that this is when the blessings truly flow in my life. But human nature being what it is, I didn't want to let go of those blessings once I had them.
God had to gently pry my death grip from those blessings - and now - once again - a little more humbly - I Surrender!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Transformation
This newly claimed part of me anticipates the life
casus that are waiting for me to gently
approach them........gently embrace them........while letting them ever-so-gently change the world I live in.
Thanks to http://www.weforanimals.com/ for their beautiful photo to bring life to my words.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Being Real
Anyone who has spent any time "getting real" with themselves finds they are led to deeper and deeper parts of themselves. Parts that words are inadequate for.
It is the same when we experience deep love for another person, or see an awe-inspiring sight. Words take away from the experience - put limits on it- make it less than it was.
And after a life-time of focusing on my inadequacies, I was not prepared for seeing even a hint of something that beautiful and innocent in myself. Maybe that is why God gave me the discovery in bits-and-pieces - and had somebody else tie it all together for me in a way that I could not dispute.
Why am I so surprised to find it there - at the bottom of all that garbage - didn't God make me too?
It is the same when we experience deep love for another person, or see an awe-inspiring sight. Words take away from the experience - put limits on it- make it less than it was.
And after a life-time of focusing on my inadequacies, I was not prepared for seeing even a hint of something that beautiful and innocent in myself. Maybe that is why God gave me the discovery in bits-and-pieces - and had somebody else tie it all together for me in a way that I could not dispute.
Why am I so surprised to find it there - at the bottom of all that garbage - didn't God make me too?
Friday, December 28, 2007
Difficult Conversations
When I am living a purposeful life, caring for myself and others, I am able to co-create a place for others to do the same. - Quote from Molly Young Brown
The most difficult part of a purposeful life, for me, is initiating conversations that I am uncomfortable initiating. Sometimes, with people who are important enough to me, I initiate them no matter how uncomfortable I am with it. Sometimes I don't.
It depends on the person and how they have responded to me doing that in the past. If I know from past experience that they are going to push me out of their life for the next few months for voicing my opinion, I am very careful what I give voice to - no matter how much I care about them.
I hadn't found my voice while I was still in my first marriage, and that ended in tragedy. I didn't make the same mistake in my second marriage. Sometimes I had to dig deep to find the courage to say the words that needed to be said. And I could often tell that my husband had to dig deep in himself to find the courage to listen to the difficult words I had to say.
But he accepted those words with the love they held; and he never once punished me for saying them.
There is a lot of power in truthful dialogue. In our society, we tend to shy away from the hard issues - leaving a lot of shallow talk being tossed around.
The same way that the healthiest roses grew from the shit at their roots, difficult conversations grow relationships of the deepest beauty, bringing out the best in everyone involved.
The most difficult part of a purposeful life, for me, is initiating conversations that I am uncomfortable initiating. Sometimes, with people who are important enough to me, I initiate them no matter how uncomfortable I am with it. Sometimes I don't.
It depends on the person and how they have responded to me doing that in the past. If I know from past experience that they are going to push me out of their life for the next few months for voicing my opinion, I am very careful what I give voice to - no matter how much I care about them.
I hadn't found my voice while I was still in my first marriage, and that ended in tragedy. I didn't make the same mistake in my second marriage. Sometimes I had to dig deep to find the courage to say the words that needed to be said. And I could often tell that my husband had to dig deep in himself to find the courage to listen to the difficult words I had to say.
But he accepted those words with the love they held; and he never once punished me for saying them.
There is a lot of power in truthful dialogue. In our society, we tend to shy away from the hard issues - leaving a lot of shallow talk being tossed around.
The same way that the healthiest roses grew from the shit at their roots, difficult conversations grow relationships of the deepest beauty, bringing out the best in everyone involved.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The Day After
Today is "the day After" Boxing Day. This is a day I always spend just hanging out with myself - recouping my energies. It is a day when I place no demands on myself - there is a little bit of clean-up to be done and probably a load of laundry - but other than that, the day is completely my own. It has been a wonderful Christmas, but I am all "peopled" out and more than anything need some time alone.
Boxing Day was nice.
When my brothers and sisters (and I) were younger and raising our own families, we mosly celebrated Christmas in our own homes and then all got together with Mom and Dad on Boxing Day. Then my brother was killed in a motor vehicle accident. That following Boxing Day, Dad found it too painful with everybody getting together without my brother. Then by the next Boxing Day, Dad was getting over a stroke and couldn't handle the noise and confusion of so many people getting together.
Three or four years ago, my sister resurrected the Boxing Day get-together in her home. We all enjoyed it immensely. We had missed it.
But getting together at your childhood home on Boxing Day. There's a part of you deep inside that just relaxes into it - even if everything is different.
Dad is gone now - has been for many years. And Mom is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. We are fortunate, though. The disease is being slowed down by medication and she even remembers our names. She is quite humorous by times. After a lifetime of holding everything inside, she says whatever comes into her mind. I find she laughs more now than she used to.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon just "being" with one another as we are now - creating some new memories that we will cherish in years to come.
Today I am spending the day just "being" with myself - with all of my ordinary life set on a shelf to make room for Christmas - and another day before I have to pick any of it back up. And I know from past experience that I will pick it back up slowly - do it a little differently - because I have been changed a little bit by the way Christmas unfolded itself to me.
There will even be parts of my life that I won't pick back up - because I will have realized once I have spent time away from them - that they are not really worth the time and energy I was investing in them anyway.
You know what I mean?
Boxing Day was nice.
When my brothers and sisters (and I) were younger and raising our own families, we mosly celebrated Christmas in our own homes and then all got together with Mom and Dad on Boxing Day. Then my brother was killed in a motor vehicle accident. That following Boxing Day, Dad found it too painful with everybody getting together without my brother. Then by the next Boxing Day, Dad was getting over a stroke and couldn't handle the noise and confusion of so many people getting together.
Three or four years ago, my sister resurrected the Boxing Day get-together in her home. We all enjoyed it immensely. We had missed it.
But getting together at your childhood home on Boxing Day. There's a part of you deep inside that just relaxes into it - even if everything is different.
Dad is gone now - has been for many years. And Mom is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. We are fortunate, though. The disease is being slowed down by medication and she even remembers our names. She is quite humorous by times. After a lifetime of holding everything inside, she says whatever comes into her mind. I find she laughs more now than she used to.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon just "being" with one another as we are now - creating some new memories that we will cherish in years to come.
Today I am spending the day just "being" with myself - with all of my ordinary life set on a shelf to make room for Christmas - and another day before I have to pick any of it back up. And I know from past experience that I will pick it back up slowly - do it a little differently - because I have been changed a little bit by the way Christmas unfolded itself to me.
There will even be parts of my life that I won't pick back up - because I will have realized once I have spent time away from them - that they are not really worth the time and energy I was investing in them anyway.
You know what I mean?
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas Day 2007
Christmas Day went well. I got up real early to get the giant turkey in the oven. Usually the family and I have a special breakfast together (it is the one day of the year the menfolk cook breakfast for the womenfolk). But this year, it's only me and the young people - and you never know what time the young people will be getting up. So we all did breakfast on our own.
Once everybody was up, we opened the gifts. Then everybody did their own thing until later in the day. I watched a movie for a couple hours and then spent the remainder of the time getting the meal ready. I called the recruits in to help about 2 o'clock - my son arrived at 3 with his new bride and mother-in-law.
We spent quality time together - sharing with one another how last night and this morning went - ate Christmas Dinner - divvied the leftovers between the households while cleaning up - then we did the ho-ho exchange - a lot of fun and a lot of laughs, as usual.
Then we called it a night - a good one at that!
Hope yours went well.
Once everybody was up, we opened the gifts. Then everybody did their own thing until later in the day. I watched a movie for a couple hours and then spent the remainder of the time getting the meal ready. I called the recruits in to help about 2 o'clock - my son arrived at 3 with his new bride and mother-in-law.
We spent quality time together - sharing with one another how last night and this morning went - ate Christmas Dinner - divvied the leftovers between the households while cleaning up - then we did the ho-ho exchange - a lot of fun and a lot of laughs, as usual.
Then we called it a night - a good one at that!
Hope yours went well.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The Real Magic Of Christmas
I got up this morning at 4 a.m. to put the turkey in the oven - decided to stay up and do my morning ritual at the computer. This has become my favorite part of the day. The time of day when I check in with myself to see where I'm at - the time I check in with my friends to see where they are at.
I read somewhere once that life is what happens to you amongst your plans. Christmas is like that - you plan things, but they almost never quite go like you thought they would. And it is always the unexpected things that bring you the most joy.
We arrived home from town yesterday with a full afternoon of work scheduled to get ready for Christmas evening. An old friend stopped in unexpectedly. I haven't seen him for many months - he is working out of town now plus he is getting more call for photography work which he is extremely gifted at. We spent a couple hours "catching up".
While we were visiting, the woman I worked for three years back in her preschool called to wish me a "Merry Christmas". She calls me every Christmas and every Easter. It is so wonderful when people take the time out of a busy life to make you a part of these special holidays.
Shortly after my friend left, my husband's nephew stopped in unexpectedly for a visit. He left his family at home to celebrate Christmas without him; and drove 14 hours to spend Chritmas Eve and Christmas Day with his grandmother who is in the hospital with pneumonia. It could possibly be her last Christmas as she has been battling cancer for a few years now. He baked her favorite cookies for her, brought some gifts with him for her, and brought lots of movies for them to watch together.
My brother had to go home early. He is recuperating from knee surgery - is still in a lot of pain. My sister stayed and visited, though, after her family left. It was very nice. We used to be really close. We were married to brothers - she much longer than I - probably forty years compared to my twenty.
Her husband had been sick for years when my husband died. Then three years later, her husband died. Our grief kept us apart - our family isn't good at comforting one another. And we are more inclined to withdraw from others to lick our wounds.
I have never told her how much I love her - because we don't talk about such things in my family. I have never told her how much I missed her these past years - because we don't do that in my family either.
And yesterday, I didn't tell any of these people that "THIS IS CHRISTMAS" but it was - and it is - the rest is just frosting on the cake.
I read somewhere once that life is what happens to you amongst your plans. Christmas is like that - you plan things, but they almost never quite go like you thought they would. And it is always the unexpected things that bring you the most joy.
We arrived home from town yesterday with a full afternoon of work scheduled to get ready for Christmas evening. An old friend stopped in unexpectedly. I haven't seen him for many months - he is working out of town now plus he is getting more call for photography work which he is extremely gifted at. We spent a couple hours "catching up".
While we were visiting, the woman I worked for three years back in her preschool called to wish me a "Merry Christmas". She calls me every Christmas and every Easter. It is so wonderful when people take the time out of a busy life to make you a part of these special holidays.
Shortly after my friend left, my husband's nephew stopped in unexpectedly for a visit. He left his family at home to celebrate Christmas without him; and drove 14 hours to spend Chritmas Eve and Christmas Day with his grandmother who is in the hospital with pneumonia. It could possibly be her last Christmas as she has been battling cancer for a few years now. He baked her favorite cookies for her, brought some gifts with him for her, and brought lots of movies for them to watch together.
My brother had to go home early. He is recuperating from knee surgery - is still in a lot of pain. My sister stayed and visited, though, after her family left. It was very nice. We used to be really close. We were married to brothers - she much longer than I - probably forty years compared to my twenty.
Her husband had been sick for years when my husband died. Then three years later, her husband died. Our grief kept us apart - our family isn't good at comforting one another. And we are more inclined to withdraw from others to lick our wounds.
I have never told her how much I love her - because we don't talk about such things in my family. I have never told her how much I missed her these past years - because we don't do that in my family either.
And yesterday, I didn't tell any of these people that "THIS IS CHRISTMAS" but it was - and it is - the rest is just frosting on the cake.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve Day
It is Christmas Eve Day. I have my mincemeat pie in the oven along with one for a friend.
The granddaughters want to go to town - they have some money that is begging to be spent.
Then it is time to get to work on this evening's meal. It will be a smaller group than usual. My mother is not well enough to come. My older sister decided to bow out this year. But my younger sister is coming along with her daughter and her family. And my brother will be here. We do this Christmas Eve gathering for his benefit - so he will have an opportunity to take part in exchanging gifts and share a Christmas meal with family.
When he and his wife separated about twenty years ago, he moved back to our community. When Christmas came, he decided to spend it cooking Christmas dinner at the legion for anybody who didn't have people to spend the day with. He still does it - usually gets between 30 to 40 people of all ages - young adults to seniors. It is enjoyed immensely by everyone that attends. And he is a GREAT cook!
Do your best to enjoy any people in your world today and tomorrow - whether they are family or not. Pack away any sorrows or concerns - they will be there waiting for you when you go back for them. You might find that a "renewed spirit" makes them a little lighter to carry.
Don't worry about the things you would have liked to been able to do, but couldn't. Now is the time to "just enjoy" whatever way Christmas is unfolding itself to you this year.
I offer you a prayer to carry with you over the season - I can't give credit where it belongs because I got it from a friend who got it from a friend...
"May God's light surround you.
May God's love enfold you.
May God's power protect you.
May God's presence be with you.
Wherever you are,
God is,
and all is well."
Merry Christmas!
The granddaughters want to go to town - they have some money that is begging to be spent.
Then it is time to get to work on this evening's meal. It will be a smaller group than usual. My mother is not well enough to come. My older sister decided to bow out this year. But my younger sister is coming along with her daughter and her family. And my brother will be here. We do this Christmas Eve gathering for his benefit - so he will have an opportunity to take part in exchanging gifts and share a Christmas meal with family.
When he and his wife separated about twenty years ago, he moved back to our community. When Christmas came, he decided to spend it cooking Christmas dinner at the legion for anybody who didn't have people to spend the day with. He still does it - usually gets between 30 to 40 people of all ages - young adults to seniors. It is enjoyed immensely by everyone that attends. And he is a GREAT cook!
Do your best to enjoy any people in your world today and tomorrow - whether they are family or not. Pack away any sorrows or concerns - they will be there waiting for you when you go back for them. You might find that a "renewed spirit" makes them a little lighter to carry.
Don't worry about the things you would have liked to been able to do, but couldn't. Now is the time to "just enjoy" whatever way Christmas is unfolding itself to you this year.
I offer you a prayer to carry with you over the season - I can't give credit where it belongs because I got it from a friend who got it from a friend...
"May God's light surround you.
May God's love enfold you.
May God's power protect you.
May God's presence be with you.
Wherever you are,
God is,
and all is well."
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tagged
I've been tagged with a Christmas meme by www.howlsatmoon.blogspot.com
The rules: Link to the person that tagged you (hopefully I did that successfully), and post the rules on your blog. Share the facts about yourself. Tag random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both. Wrapping paper is my first choice; but I like gift bags for the hard-to-wrap items and some of the food gifts.
2. Real tree or artificial? Real tree always. I must confess it has just been Charlie Brown trees since my husband passed away - until this year - I got an 8foot beauty. I just love looking at it.
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually about a week before Christmas. It depends when the granddaughters are around to decorate. This was something my husband loved to do, so I can just not bring myself to do it.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years Day. My husband taught me the joys of leaving the tree up until then. I keep myself too busy before Christmas, so that is when I really get to enjoy the relaxing side of Christmas.
5. Do you like eggnog? Love it - but only allow myself one tall glass of the stuff with my slice of hot mincemeat pie Christmas night.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A black doll - It was the same year I had read the story of Little Black Sambo. I loved that doll.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? I do have a tabletop one - the figurines are all white.
8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A coffee percolator from my first husband the last Christmas he was alive. I didn't drink coffee; he did. I wanted a meatgrinder and was sure that gift under the tree a whole week before Christmas was it. I was so excited - could hardly wait for Christmas morning to arrive. What a disappointment!
9. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? Mail - and only to the people I want to keep in touch with but am not exchanging gifts with.
10. Favorite Christmas movie? For years, it was "It's a Wonderful Life". Now I can't say that I have a favorite Christmas movie. I love watching them all; it helps put me in the spirit. I do have a favorite Christmas character, though. It is the angel Gideon - he sits up in the tree playing his mouth organ when not busy doing his angel work.
11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I keep my eyes open all year round for gifts that I may want to give - these are "what the universe sends my way" types of gifts. In November is when I start actively thinking what I want to buy for the people in my world.
12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? On Boxing Day, I make myself my special Christmas sandwich which consists of turkey, dressing, and cranberries. I enjoy eating it along with a cup of tea.
13. Clear lights or colored on the tree? I switched over to clear lights several years ago - but I'm starting to miss the colored lights I had when my children were growing up. I have two tiny 12inch artificial trees in the kichen that I now put colored lights on.
14. Favorite Christmas song? I enjoy many of them - the radio station I listen to has been playing Christmas music all this week - but there just seems to be something extra special about Silent Night.
Who am I going to tag? How about www.deenie2007.wordpress.com - she does beautiful artwork - and www.sailorette.blogspot.com
Merry Christmas everyone!
The rules: Link to the person that tagged you (hopefully I did that successfully), and post the rules on your blog. Share the facts about yourself. Tag random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both. Wrapping paper is my first choice; but I like gift bags for the hard-to-wrap items and some of the food gifts.
2. Real tree or artificial? Real tree always. I must confess it has just been Charlie Brown trees since my husband passed away - until this year - I got an 8foot beauty. I just love looking at it.
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually about a week before Christmas. It depends when the granddaughters are around to decorate. This was something my husband loved to do, so I can just not bring myself to do it.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years Day. My husband taught me the joys of leaving the tree up until then. I keep myself too busy before Christmas, so that is when I really get to enjoy the relaxing side of Christmas.
5. Do you like eggnog? Love it - but only allow myself one tall glass of the stuff with my slice of hot mincemeat pie Christmas night.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A black doll - It was the same year I had read the story of Little Black Sambo. I loved that doll.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? I do have a tabletop one - the figurines are all white.
8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A coffee percolator from my first husband the last Christmas he was alive. I didn't drink coffee; he did. I wanted a meatgrinder and was sure that gift under the tree a whole week before Christmas was it. I was so excited - could hardly wait for Christmas morning to arrive. What a disappointment!
9. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? Mail - and only to the people I want to keep in touch with but am not exchanging gifts with.
10. Favorite Christmas movie? For years, it was "It's a Wonderful Life". Now I can't say that I have a favorite Christmas movie. I love watching them all; it helps put me in the spirit. I do have a favorite Christmas character, though. It is the angel Gideon - he sits up in the tree playing his mouth organ when not busy doing his angel work.
11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I keep my eyes open all year round for gifts that I may want to give - these are "what the universe sends my way" types of gifts. In November is when I start actively thinking what I want to buy for the people in my world.
12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? On Boxing Day, I make myself my special Christmas sandwich which consists of turkey, dressing, and cranberries. I enjoy eating it along with a cup of tea.
13. Clear lights or colored on the tree? I switched over to clear lights several years ago - but I'm starting to miss the colored lights I had when my children were growing up. I have two tiny 12inch artificial trees in the kichen that I now put colored lights on.
14. Favorite Christmas song? I enjoy many of them - the radio station I listen to has been playing Christmas music all this week - but there just seems to be something extra special about Silent Night.
Who am I going to tag? How about www.deenie2007.wordpress.com - she does beautiful artwork - and www.sailorette.blogspot.com
Merry Christmas everyone!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Christmas Blessings
My oldest granddaughter and I spent the morning in town yesterday - doing odds and ends of last minute shopping - picking up a few more grocery items - mailed a package to a friend which should arrive around New Year's. It wasn't meant to be a Christmas present, so I didn't want it arriving during the Christmas season.
It was a nice day. We hadn't spent a day together in a long time. She is in her last year of university - and for the summer she went out to Alberta to stay with her mother. It is easy to find work out there, and she wanted to be with her mother, so that worked out very well for both of them.
We spent the afternoon wrapping gifts. I have a few more batches of peanut brittle and caramel corn to make, but needed a break from it.
My son and his new bride will be coming to visit today. We will have a birthday meal for my granddaughter. Her birthday was actually a couple weeks ago but this will be the first day that we are all in the same location to have a meal together. She has already received her gifts but my family always looks forward to a shared meal together as well. The younger granddaughter is making the birthday cake and I will do the meal - roast pork, mashed potatoes, and vegetables. My granddaughter just can't get enough "real food" as she calls it when she is home. Most of what she cooks for herself comes out of packages.
My son will drop off the Christmas gifts for here while he is visiting - and take his gifts home to be opened Chritmas morning. They are going to come back and join us for Christmas dinner and the "stocking exchange".
Christmas is getting close. My brother has arrived in Fredericton from Vancouver for his Christmas visit. I won't get to see him until Boxing Day when my family of origin is planning a Pot Luck - a first. Hope the weather co-operates; we have been getting snow almost daily this week.
Do what you need to do to keep your spirits up. Enjoy these next few days in whatever way you can. Only you know what you want and what you need - and what you can and cannot make happen. Love to all!
It was a nice day. We hadn't spent a day together in a long time. She is in her last year of university - and for the summer she went out to Alberta to stay with her mother. It is easy to find work out there, and she wanted to be with her mother, so that worked out very well for both of them.
We spent the afternoon wrapping gifts. I have a few more batches of peanut brittle and caramel corn to make, but needed a break from it.
My son and his new bride will be coming to visit today. We will have a birthday meal for my granddaughter. Her birthday was actually a couple weeks ago but this will be the first day that we are all in the same location to have a meal together. She has already received her gifts but my family always looks forward to a shared meal together as well. The younger granddaughter is making the birthday cake and I will do the meal - roast pork, mashed potatoes, and vegetables. My granddaughter just can't get enough "real food" as she calls it when she is home. Most of what she cooks for herself comes out of packages.
My son will drop off the Christmas gifts for here while he is visiting - and take his gifts home to be opened Chritmas morning. They are going to come back and join us for Christmas dinner and the "stocking exchange".
Christmas is getting close. My brother has arrived in Fredericton from Vancouver for his Christmas visit. I won't get to see him until Boxing Day when my family of origin is planning a Pot Luck - a first. Hope the weather co-operates; we have been getting snow almost daily this week.
Do what you need to do to keep your spirits up. Enjoy these next few days in whatever way you can. Only you know what you want and what you need - and what you can and cannot make happen. Love to all!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Homemade Gift Tags
We had been married a couple years when my husband told me that his aunt used to make her own gift tags from last year's Christmas cards.
We spent the week between Christmas and New Years with his parents that year. And I hadn't brought anything with me to do. (I'm one of those people who like to keep my hands and my brain busy.)
I remembered what my husband said about his aunt and the gift tags; and got to womdering how she went about it.
My mother-in-law kept every card she ever received; but she did give me permission to play with some of the Christmas cards.
I studied different cards for ideas. The easiest ones were the cards that had a smaller framed picture as part of the card - and a lot of them are like that. I just cut out the small framed picture and birthed an instant tag.
Some had shapes that were easy to cut out which made beautiful tags.
I was Hooked!
Eventually I bought myself a paper cutter so I could cut straight lines and make tags from the beautiful words inside the card.
I write directly on the tag if it is light in color. If it is too dark or shiny to write on, I make a hole with a hole punch and put a colored piece of crochet cotton in the hole; then write on the back of the tag.
This hobby eventually spilled over to include all cards - not just Christmas cards.
You end up with the most unique gift tags. Even my son prefers to use the gift tags I make. Half the fun is choosing just the right gift tag for that particular person and that particular gift.
Now I usually make my gift tags in January. It is such a cold month - one where it is nice to hibernate with "fun" projects.
My husband always knew what I was up to even if he didn't see me haul out the cards and set up my workshop at the kitchen table. It wouldn't be long before one of the card-soon-to-be-tags would make me chuckle.
I can still hear his voice coming from the living room, "I bet I know what you are doing!"
Another heart-warming memory!
We spent the week between Christmas and New Years with his parents that year. And I hadn't brought anything with me to do. (I'm one of those people who like to keep my hands and my brain busy.)
I remembered what my husband said about his aunt and the gift tags; and got to womdering how she went about it.
My mother-in-law kept every card she ever received; but she did give me permission to play with some of the Christmas cards.
I studied different cards for ideas. The easiest ones were the cards that had a smaller framed picture as part of the card - and a lot of them are like that. I just cut out the small framed picture and birthed an instant tag.
Some had shapes that were easy to cut out which made beautiful tags.
I was Hooked!
Eventually I bought myself a paper cutter so I could cut straight lines and make tags from the beautiful words inside the card.
I write directly on the tag if it is light in color. If it is too dark or shiny to write on, I make a hole with a hole punch and put a colored piece of crochet cotton in the hole; then write on the back of the tag.
This hobby eventually spilled over to include all cards - not just Christmas cards.
You end up with the most unique gift tags. Even my son prefers to use the gift tags I make. Half the fun is choosing just the right gift tag for that particular person and that particular gift.
Now I usually make my gift tags in January. It is such a cold month - one where it is nice to hibernate with "fun" projects.
My husband always knew what I was up to even if he didn't see me haul out the cards and set up my workshop at the kitchen table. It wouldn't be long before one of the card-soon-to-be-tags would make me chuckle.
I can still hear his voice coming from the living room, "I bet I know what you are doing!"
Another heart-warming memory!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Christmas Carollers
I spent yesterday making caramel corn and peanut brittle because I knew the carollers would pay me a visit last night. They started coming the year my husband passed away, and have been coming ever since - six years.
Last night there were eight youths ranging in age from nine to seventeen, and two adults.
Christmas just wouldn't be the same without my yearly visit from them. They tell me it is the same for them - their Christmas wouldn't be the same without the little bags of caramel corn and peanut brittle they get to take home.
Most of my "food gifts" at Christmas are made up of these two items. It keeps well at a time when there is so much food around - people enjoy eating it - and, most important of all, it is one of the few treat foods I am not tempted to overindulge in.
Past experience has taught me NOT to do a lot of baking at Christmas. There is already so much food around. My sister is able to do all that fancy baking without eating half of it, so she brings a tray to be shared on Christmas Eve when we get together with some of our "family of origin" and Mom.
My husband's favorite thing at Christmas was hard candy and Christmas nuts; so I always put those out for him at the beginning of December. He also liked homemade fruitcake and pie. I didn't always get a fruitcake made - one year it was Easter before I got it made - that's okay, we enjoyed it just the same.
I did always make sure I made the pies, though - mincemeat for Christmas Day and Apple for New Year's Day.
I thought I would share my recipes for the caramel corn and peanut brittle for anyone who is interested in giving them a try:
Caramel Corn
1 cup popcorn, unpopped 1/4 tsp salt
1 cup butter 1/2 tsp baking soda
2 cups brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup white corn syrup
Pop the popcorn directly into a large roasting pan. (It pops better if you do it 1/3 cup at a time.) Boil butter, sugar, corn syrup and salt together for 5 minutes without stirring. Remove from heat. Add soda and vanilla. Stir thoroughly. Pour over the popcorn. Stir gently to coat evenly. Bake at 200F for 1 hr. Stir two or three times while baking. Pour onto sheets of wax paper and separate so will not harden in large clumps. (This makes a whole roasting pan full).
Microwave Peanut Brittle
1 cup sugar 1 tsp butter
1-1/2 cups salted peanuts 1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup white corn syrup 1 tsp baking soda
Microwave peanuts, sugar and corn syrup on high for 3 minutes. Stir and then cook for 3 more minutes. Stir in butter and vanilla. Nuke for 2 more minutes. Add soda. Stir quickly but thoroughly to evenly distribute soda. Pour onto greased cookie sheet or pizza pan. Cool. Break into pieces. Makes 1 pound.
Note: Every microwave is different so the time may have to be adjusted . The first batch will be sort of trial and error timewise; but once you figure out the correct cooking time for your microwave, it's great because it is so easy to do and turns out the same every time.
Last night there were eight youths ranging in age from nine to seventeen, and two adults.
Christmas just wouldn't be the same without my yearly visit from them. They tell me it is the same for them - their Christmas wouldn't be the same without the little bags of caramel corn and peanut brittle they get to take home.
Most of my "food gifts" at Christmas are made up of these two items. It keeps well at a time when there is so much food around - people enjoy eating it - and, most important of all, it is one of the few treat foods I am not tempted to overindulge in.
Past experience has taught me NOT to do a lot of baking at Christmas. There is already so much food around. My sister is able to do all that fancy baking without eating half of it, so she brings a tray to be shared on Christmas Eve when we get together with some of our "family of origin" and Mom.
My husband's favorite thing at Christmas was hard candy and Christmas nuts; so I always put those out for him at the beginning of December. He also liked homemade fruitcake and pie. I didn't always get a fruitcake made - one year it was Easter before I got it made - that's okay, we enjoyed it just the same.
I did always make sure I made the pies, though - mincemeat for Christmas Day and Apple for New Year's Day.
I thought I would share my recipes for the caramel corn and peanut brittle for anyone who is interested in giving them a try:
Caramel Corn
1 cup popcorn, unpopped 1/4 tsp salt
1 cup butter 1/2 tsp baking soda
2 cups brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup white corn syrup
Pop the popcorn directly into a large roasting pan. (It pops better if you do it 1/3 cup at a time.) Boil butter, sugar, corn syrup and salt together for 5 minutes without stirring. Remove from heat. Add soda and vanilla. Stir thoroughly. Pour over the popcorn. Stir gently to coat evenly. Bake at 200F for 1 hr. Stir two or three times while baking. Pour onto sheets of wax paper and separate so will not harden in large clumps. (This makes a whole roasting pan full).
Microwave Peanut Brittle
1 cup sugar 1 tsp butter
1-1/2 cups salted peanuts 1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup white corn syrup 1 tsp baking soda
Microwave peanuts, sugar and corn syrup on high for 3 minutes. Stir and then cook for 3 more minutes. Stir in butter and vanilla. Nuke for 2 more minutes. Add soda. Stir quickly but thoroughly to evenly distribute soda. Pour onto greased cookie sheet or pizza pan. Cool. Break into pieces. Makes 1 pound.
Note: Every microwave is different so the time may have to be adjusted . The first batch will be sort of trial and error timewise; but once you figure out the correct cooking time for your microwave, it's great because it is so easy to do and turns out the same every time.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
A Night Of Song
The night after a big snowstorm - and freezing temperatures - but still they came..............
We have known Albert and his wife Maureen for just over a year. I would guess him to be about my age(mid-to-late fifties) - she just a little younger.
Albert brought his guitar and led the rest of us in singing Christmas carols - three adults(me, Albert and Maureen), two young adults-in-training (my granddaughters aged 21 and 22), and an eleven-year-old(my great-niece).
The eleven-year-old and the 22-year old kept trying to drown one another out, which made it sound like we were belting those carols out in fine form - which really pleased Albert - which really pleased me.
I was grateful to him for providing us with the opportunity of having a night of song without even having to leave the comfort of our home. And it added another piece of magic to this year's Christmas - for us to remember in the years to come.
I think the granddaughters are more likely to remember the smell of the strawberries cooking for the homemade cheesecake I made for us to enjoy after we finished singing. It is all they talked about all day.
It is the little things that we remember longest - a smell, a laugh, a look, the way one family member teased another. Do you remember how we used to ..........
We have known Albert and his wife Maureen for just over a year. I would guess him to be about my age(mid-to-late fifties) - she just a little younger.
Albert brought his guitar and led the rest of us in singing Christmas carols - three adults(me, Albert and Maureen), two young adults-in-training (my granddaughters aged 21 and 22), and an eleven-year-old(my great-niece).
The eleven-year-old and the 22-year old kept trying to drown one another out, which made it sound like we were belting those carols out in fine form - which really pleased Albert - which really pleased me.
I was grateful to him for providing us with the opportunity of having a night of song without even having to leave the comfort of our home. And it added another piece of magic to this year's Christmas - for us to remember in the years to come.
I think the granddaughters are more likely to remember the smell of the strawberries cooking for the homemade cheesecake I made for us to enjoy after we finished singing. It is all they talked about all day.
It is the little things that we remember longest - a smell, a laugh, a look, the way one family member teased another. Do you remember how we used to ..........
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Oh Christmas Tree!
My granddaughters and my great-niece decorated the tree last night.
A beautiful well-shaped eight foot tree. I always get a real tree - had to settle for artificial when I lived in Toronto. There's nothing like a real tree - the smell alone makes it worthwhile.
It is a real beauty with all the decorations on it. I had given most of my lights to my son - never intending to have a big tree again now that I felt my life was over.
My young granddaughter lives upstairs and has her own Christmas tree for the first time. She had extra lights that I was able to borrow so we could do justice to such a fine tree.
The tree is decorated in such a way that it is beautiful even in the daylight, with the strands of pearls alternated between the gold garlands. The red/green plaid bows, edged in gold, that my husband helped me make are proudly gracing the branches between gold angels. The most beautiful angel of all, with her cranberry red dress and her golden wings, watches over us from her place at the top of the tree. I remember the year I bought her. I fell in love with her, but struggled with whether I should buy her. Even though she only cost $35.00, it was more than I could really afford to spend on something like that. But here I am fifteen years later, loving her as much as the day I bought her, and still so glad I did.
Years ago, I worked out a policy with myself on how I choose to spend my money. If it is something I need, I get it for myself with no questions asked. If it is something I want, then I ask myself how bad I want it. Is it a want that is here today and gone tomorrow; or is it a want that I will always regret not giving into. That angel was one of those second kind of wants.
I remember the tree I had the first year I was back in the Bay. I asked my someday-husband-to-be's nephew to cut me down a Chrismas tree. "How big do you want it?" asked this youth who is over six feet tall.
"Oh, about my height," I answer from my 5'2" frame.
He comes back with this little short tree - a tree so short you can't help but laugh at it. I had never seen a tree so short in my whole life.
"Why did you get me such a short tree?" I ask laughing.
"I got you a tree just as tall as you are," he says towering over me. He then stands the tree beside me and measures with his hand from the top of my head to the top of the tree, with both of us laughing more by the minute.
I never knew before that day what a short tree I would make.
But, you know what, even short trees decorate up quite nicely; and that angel was just as beautiful on top of a short tree as she is on a tall tree.
Christmas is beginning to unfold itself to me - a magical moment here - a magical memory there. Put them all together and you have this year's Christmas - completely unique from other Christmases but with little bits and pieces of familiarity.
A beautiful well-shaped eight foot tree. I always get a real tree - had to settle for artificial when I lived in Toronto. There's nothing like a real tree - the smell alone makes it worthwhile.
It is a real beauty with all the decorations on it. I had given most of my lights to my son - never intending to have a big tree again now that I felt my life was over.
My young granddaughter lives upstairs and has her own Christmas tree for the first time. She had extra lights that I was able to borrow so we could do justice to such a fine tree.
The tree is decorated in such a way that it is beautiful even in the daylight, with the strands of pearls alternated between the gold garlands. The red/green plaid bows, edged in gold, that my husband helped me make are proudly gracing the branches between gold angels. The most beautiful angel of all, with her cranberry red dress and her golden wings, watches over us from her place at the top of the tree. I remember the year I bought her. I fell in love with her, but struggled with whether I should buy her. Even though she only cost $35.00, it was more than I could really afford to spend on something like that. But here I am fifteen years later, loving her as much as the day I bought her, and still so glad I did.
Years ago, I worked out a policy with myself on how I choose to spend my money. If it is something I need, I get it for myself with no questions asked. If it is something I want, then I ask myself how bad I want it. Is it a want that is here today and gone tomorrow; or is it a want that I will always regret not giving into. That angel was one of those second kind of wants.
I remember the tree I had the first year I was back in the Bay. I asked my someday-husband-to-be's nephew to cut me down a Chrismas tree. "How big do you want it?" asked this youth who is over six feet tall.
"Oh, about my height," I answer from my 5'2" frame.
He comes back with this little short tree - a tree so short you can't help but laugh at it. I had never seen a tree so short in my whole life.
"Why did you get me such a short tree?" I ask laughing.
"I got you a tree just as tall as you are," he says towering over me. He then stands the tree beside me and measures with his hand from the top of my head to the top of the tree, with both of us laughing more by the minute.
I never knew before that day what a short tree I would make.
But, you know what, even short trees decorate up quite nicely; and that angel was just as beautiful on top of a short tree as she is on a tall tree.
Christmas is beginning to unfold itself to me - a magical moment here - a magical memory there. Put them all together and you have this year's Christmas - completely unique from other Christmases but with little bits and pieces of familiarity.
Monday, December 17, 2007
O Come All Ye Faithful!
A couple years after my husband died, I had the good fortune to assist at a pre-school. As stated before, I heal better around children. It was a wonderful experience - the woman that ran the school was great with kids; and those little 4-year-olds were just what I needed.
I am a born nurturer, and I gravitated towards the handful of children that were having difficulty leaving Mom and Dad for the day. We had one little boy and one little girl that were too shy to talk until the fourth month. There was another little boy who was extremely sensitive. He was never ready to interact with the other children until he sat real close to me for about half an hour.
I have so many memories that I cherish from that year - and some lasting friendships. There was one little boy whose faithfulness matches only one person I have known before. I had a friend when I lived in Toronto - she's gone now - but whenever I think of her, it is her faithfulness that stands out to me. She was the most faithful friend I ever had; I still miss her presence in my life. This little boy is like that - his whole being just oozes faithfulness. He is in grade 3 now - and still makes me a part of his life - even though he has moved on. Do you know how rare faithfulness like that is in the grown-up world?
Last night he called me to get my address - he must be going to make me a Christmas card. We talked for about half an hour. It was a delighful surprise that really added a lot of magic to my
"one step at a time" approach to Christmas.
My son is a faithful person as well. I remember the year he spent Christmas with a woman he was dating, and her two children. I never once felt left out even though I spent Christmas alone that year. Every time he went shopping for gifts, he called home and told me of his purchases. I felt as much a part of their Christmas as if I was really there. I was in touch with his excitement and anticipation every step of the way.
I opened my gifts - one a day the week leading up to Christmas - so that I would not feel lonely on Christmas morning. Then I treated myself to music "that soothes the soul" on Christmas morning. I went to my sister's for Christmas dinner that year - one of the benefits of belonging to a large family - there's always somebody to make room for you at the dinner table.
The world is made richer by the rare person who knows how to be faithful to the people in their world, while going about the business of living. If you have one of these rare jewels on your list of friends and family - treasure them, watch them, learn from them. You'll never be sorry that you did!
I am a born nurturer, and I gravitated towards the handful of children that were having difficulty leaving Mom and Dad for the day. We had one little boy and one little girl that were too shy to talk until the fourth month. There was another little boy who was extremely sensitive. He was never ready to interact with the other children until he sat real close to me for about half an hour.
I have so many memories that I cherish from that year - and some lasting friendships. There was one little boy whose faithfulness matches only one person I have known before. I had a friend when I lived in Toronto - she's gone now - but whenever I think of her, it is her faithfulness that stands out to me. She was the most faithful friend I ever had; I still miss her presence in my life. This little boy is like that - his whole being just oozes faithfulness. He is in grade 3 now - and still makes me a part of his life - even though he has moved on. Do you know how rare faithfulness like that is in the grown-up world?
Last night he called me to get my address - he must be going to make me a Christmas card. We talked for about half an hour. It was a delighful surprise that really added a lot of magic to my
"one step at a time" approach to Christmas.
My son is a faithful person as well. I remember the year he spent Christmas with a woman he was dating, and her two children. I never once felt left out even though I spent Christmas alone that year. Every time he went shopping for gifts, he called home and told me of his purchases. I felt as much a part of their Christmas as if I was really there. I was in touch with his excitement and anticipation every step of the way.
I opened my gifts - one a day the week leading up to Christmas - so that I would not feel lonely on Christmas morning. Then I treated myself to music "that soothes the soul" on Christmas morning. I went to my sister's for Christmas dinner that year - one of the benefits of belonging to a large family - there's always somebody to make room for you at the dinner table.
The world is made richer by the rare person who knows how to be faithful to the people in their world, while going about the business of living. If you have one of these rare jewels on your list of friends and family - treasure them, watch them, learn from them. You'll never be sorry that you did!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Christmas Grief
Quote from "Coming Home To Myself" - Marion Woodman and Jill Mellick
Once you have explored the depths,
don't wallow in them.
It's not only boring,
it's destructive.
Let grace enter.
It brings with it
a new understanding of love.
We are all more vulnerable at Christmastime. Maybe that is because our hearts are more open at that time - as our hopes and expectations for love given and love received get intermingled with our plans for a merry or not-so-merry Christmas.
It is made even more difficult when someone we love can not be with us - whatever the reason. My granddaughters, at the ages of 21 and 22, are facing their first Christmas without their mother. One of the pitfalls of working as far north as you can get, and not being able to get time off at Christmas. The oldest girl has admitted to unexplained tearfulness the last couple weeks that she does not understand. I told her it is grief - the sadness of knowing that her mother will not be here with them this Christmas.
They will be spending Christmas with me, their uncle and his new bride, and lots of extended family. There will be lots of gifts, lots of food, and lots of Christmas merriment. But those of us who are older know, from past experience, that the girls will have to make a conscious effort to take part in, and enjoy, the festive season.
That "grief pain" will definitely be a part of this Christmas season for them - but it doesn't have to be all of it.
Once you have explored the depths,
don't wallow in them.
It's not only boring,
it's destructive.
Let grace enter.
It brings with it
a new understanding of love.
We are all more vulnerable at Christmastime. Maybe that is because our hearts are more open at that time - as our hopes and expectations for love given and love received get intermingled with our plans for a merry or not-so-merry Christmas.
It is made even more difficult when someone we love can not be with us - whatever the reason. My granddaughters, at the ages of 21 and 22, are facing their first Christmas without their mother. One of the pitfalls of working as far north as you can get, and not being able to get time off at Christmas. The oldest girl has admitted to unexplained tearfulness the last couple weeks that she does not understand. I told her it is grief - the sadness of knowing that her mother will not be here with them this Christmas.
They will be spending Christmas with me, their uncle and his new bride, and lots of extended family. There will be lots of gifts, lots of food, and lots of Christmas merriment. But those of us who are older know, from past experience, that the girls will have to make a conscious effort to take part in, and enjoy, the festive season.
That "grief pain" will definitely be a part of this Christmas season for them - but it doesn't have to be all of it.
Friday, December 14, 2007
The Magic Of Christmas
At Christmas time, in my family, Santa brought two gifts for each of us - our main gift and then coloring book and crayons or a jigsaw puzzle.
With there being so many of us, eleven in all, this looked like a lot once you put it around the tree. It would take up half the living room.
I always liked watching everyone open their gifts, so I would leave mine unopened until everyone else was done opening theirs. Come to think of it, I have lived my life that way. I have watched everyone else open their spiritual gifts, leaving mine sit there unopened. Now I'm beginning to get excited about what mine might be.
There wasn't enough money to fill stockings; but I have always remembered the year my father's sister knitted a pair of mittens for each of us; and then she filled them with candy and nuts. Mom hung these mittens like you would stockings - it was so exciting.
And one year, when I was about eleven, I remember being very excited because we had popcorn and Coca-cola in the house. It felt like we were one of those families I saw on television.
We always had a big turkey for Christmas Dinner and pies made with Mom's homemade mincemeat. She would spend Christmas Eve day baking other treats that she only made at Christmas - Mocha Cakes(pieces of white cake rolled in ground peanuts or walnuts) and War Cakes (eggless fruit cakes).
Christmas is all so magical when you are a child. Some people only know how to recapture that Christmas magic if they are making Christmas for a child; but that child still lives in all of us - just waiting to be reawakened by the magic that is so much a part of Christmas.
It doesn't require an open pocketbook so much as an open heart. It took me a lot of years to learn this. I wasted a lot of Christmases worrying about what I didn't have to give; now I keep my focus on what I DO have to give - and sometimes it is truly amazing where little opportunities to give present themselves - keeping the spirit of Santa alive even in the world of grownups.
With there being so many of us, eleven in all, this looked like a lot once you put it around the tree. It would take up half the living room.
I always liked watching everyone open their gifts, so I would leave mine unopened until everyone else was done opening theirs. Come to think of it, I have lived my life that way. I have watched everyone else open their spiritual gifts, leaving mine sit there unopened. Now I'm beginning to get excited about what mine might be.
There wasn't enough money to fill stockings; but I have always remembered the year my father's sister knitted a pair of mittens for each of us; and then she filled them with candy and nuts. Mom hung these mittens like you would stockings - it was so exciting.
And one year, when I was about eleven, I remember being very excited because we had popcorn and Coca-cola in the house. It felt like we were one of those families I saw on television.
We always had a big turkey for Christmas Dinner and pies made with Mom's homemade mincemeat. She would spend Christmas Eve day baking other treats that she only made at Christmas - Mocha Cakes(pieces of white cake rolled in ground peanuts or walnuts) and War Cakes (eggless fruit cakes).
Christmas is all so magical when you are a child. Some people only know how to recapture that Christmas magic if they are making Christmas for a child; but that child still lives in all of us - just waiting to be reawakened by the magic that is so much a part of Christmas.
It doesn't require an open pocketbook so much as an open heart. It took me a lot of years to learn this. I wasted a lot of Christmases worrying about what I didn't have to give; now I keep my focus on what I DO have to give - and sometimes it is truly amazing where little opportunities to give present themselves - keeping the spirit of Santa alive even in the world of grownups.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Christmas Is Going To The Dogs
For a number of years now, we have been carrying on a new tradition where each family member buys two gifts for everybody's stocking. It has become our favorite part of the gift exchange.
One year when we couldn't get together on Christmas Day, nobody was willing to give up the stockings; so we got together a week before Christmas for a special meal and our stocking exchange. Then they took their Christmas presents home to be opened on Christmas morning.
The gifts started outgrowing the stockings, so we switched over to large shopping bags which we named ho-ho bags. All eyes rest on the person opening a gift from their "stocking" and needless to say there is a lot of laughter.
The first year we had our Samoyan husky, she was used to a quiet house with just myself and my husband living at home. She let us know she did not like all this Christmas commotion by laying at the far side of the living room with her back to the family; turning her head around every now and again to glare at us.
The next Christmas, I suggested that each person buy one treat for the dog and we fill a stocking for her. It didn't take her long to get into the swing of things and the ho-ho bags became her favorite part of Christmas. The following year, she started getting excited as soon as she saw the tree being brought into the house.
A problem presented itself, though, when we had a baby shower for my niece the next fall. The dog got more and more excited as the guests arrived with gifts for the new mother "in large shopping bags". I didn't make the connection until my niece had opened about three gifts and the dog had gone from being super-excited to crestfallen. Then I realized the misunderstanding on her part.
"Quick, somebody, go to the kitchen and get the marrow bones so we can remedy the situation!"
One year when we couldn't get together on Christmas Day, nobody was willing to give up the stockings; so we got together a week before Christmas for a special meal and our stocking exchange. Then they took their Christmas presents home to be opened on Christmas morning.
The gifts started outgrowing the stockings, so we switched over to large shopping bags which we named ho-ho bags. All eyes rest on the person opening a gift from their "stocking" and needless to say there is a lot of laughter.
The first year we had our Samoyan husky, she was used to a quiet house with just myself and my husband living at home. She let us know she did not like all this Christmas commotion by laying at the far side of the living room with her back to the family; turning her head around every now and again to glare at us.
The next Christmas, I suggested that each person buy one treat for the dog and we fill a stocking for her. It didn't take her long to get into the swing of things and the ho-ho bags became her favorite part of Christmas. The following year, she started getting excited as soon as she saw the tree being brought into the house.
A problem presented itself, though, when we had a baby shower for my niece the next fall. The dog got more and more excited as the guests arrived with gifts for the new mother "in large shopping bags". I didn't make the connection until my niece had opened about three gifts and the dog had gone from being super-excited to crestfallen. Then I realized the misunderstanding on her part.
"Quick, somebody, go to the kitchen and get the marrow bones so we can remedy the situation!"
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Soul Whispers
I listen
to her constant chatter
and realize sadly
that she is completely
out of touch
with her soul.
It is buried deep
beneath layers of pain
totally abandoned
by everyone...
including her.
to her constant chatter
and realize sadly
that she is completely
out of touch
with her soul.
It is buried deep
beneath layers of pain
totally abandoned
by everyone...
including her.
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Good Day
Today was a good day..............
A day of "being grounded" in myself.......
A day of being in touch with who I am and what I believe in..............
A day of knowing what direction I'm headed in even if I don't know what lies ahead..........
This was a day where I just focused on the here and now - with no regrets for the past - with no concerns about the future.
Yes, it was a good day.
A day of "being grounded" in myself.......
A day of being in touch with who I am and what I believe in..............
A day of knowing what direction I'm headed in even if I don't know what lies ahead..........
This was a day where I just focused on the here and now - with no regrets for the past - with no concerns about the future.
Yes, it was a good day.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Finding Your New Bottom
When the bottom drops out of your world, it is Scarey.......
And Sad.....
For a long time, every time I scraped myself off the floor, it felt like a Mack truck came by and knocked me back down again.
Over the past couple years, I have been making feeble attempts to rebuild; but it still kept feeling like there were more losses to be endured...... to be survived......
I still had a "homeless" feeling.
Yesterday, for the first time, I experienced that feeling of having a "new bottom".
And it feels like NOW I can start to rebuild.
And Sad.....
For a long time, every time I scraped myself off the floor, it felt like a Mack truck came by and knocked me back down again.
Over the past couple years, I have been making feeble attempts to rebuild; but it still kept feeling like there were more losses to be endured...... to be survived......
I still had a "homeless" feeling.
Yesterday, for the first time, I experienced that feeling of having a "new bottom".
And it feels like NOW I can start to rebuild.
Friday, December 7, 2007
How Much Is Enough
All my life I gave all I had to give and it never felt like enough....
Now, like the little drummer boy, all I have left to give is my song.
And for the first time ......
It feels like enough.
Now, like the little drummer boy, all I have left to give is my song.
And for the first time ......
It feels like enough.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Christmas Giving
I grew up in a large family (7 brothers and 3 sisters); and there was never enough money to go around.
One Christmas, when I was about eleven years old, my mother travelled a hundred miles and charged Christmas presents for all of us. The store was supposed to ship her purchases once her credit was approved.
The store made a mistake and shipped the parcel twice.
A friend of my mother's was not able to buy any gifts that year for her children. So my mother gave her friend the extra parcel, and then contacted the store to let them know what happened; expecting to pay for both parcels.
The store thanked her for letting them know, and said they would split the cost with her 50/50.
I have never forgotten what a giving heart my mother has - as witnessed by me so many years ago.
One Christmas, when I was about eleven years old, my mother travelled a hundred miles and charged Christmas presents for all of us. The store was supposed to ship her purchases once her credit was approved.
The store made a mistake and shipped the parcel twice.
A friend of my mother's was not able to buy any gifts that year for her children. So my mother gave her friend the extra parcel, and then contacted the store to let them know what happened; expecting to pay for both parcels.
The store thanked her for letting them know, and said they would split the cost with her 50/50.
I have never forgotten what a giving heart my mother has - as witnessed by me so many years ago.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
New Traditions
I don't think we set out to start a new tradition. A year just comes along when you have to do something different for one reason or another, and it goes over so well that people don't want to give it up - and sometimes they even build on it.
Like my family and peanut brittle.
One year, I was struggling for ideas for filling my son's Christmas stocking. He was at that age where he was too old for toys; but too young for shaving equipment.
One of the items I came up with was a box of peanut brittle. I didn't realize how much he liked it until the following year when I didn't buy him any. "What do you mean, you didn't buy any?" he asked. "That's tradition."
Well, it was from then on. Eventually I found a recipe for making my own peanut brittle in the microwave; and thought I would give it a try. That was an even bigger hit.
Part of each Christmas, while my son and daughter were in university, was spent with all three of us in the kitchen making peanut brittle for friends and family as gifts. Not one to be left out of the fun, my husband even helped.
Now, it is a tradition we each carry on in our own homes - making homemade peanut brittle for friends and family while savoring many pleasant memories.
Like my family and peanut brittle.
One year, I was struggling for ideas for filling my son's Christmas stocking. He was at that age where he was too old for toys; but too young for shaving equipment.
One of the items I came up with was a box of peanut brittle. I didn't realize how much he liked it until the following year when I didn't buy him any. "What do you mean, you didn't buy any?" he asked. "That's tradition."
Well, it was from then on. Eventually I found a recipe for making my own peanut brittle in the microwave; and thought I would give it a try. That was an even bigger hit.
Part of each Christmas, while my son and daughter were in university, was spent with all three of us in the kitchen making peanut brittle for friends and family as gifts. Not one to be left out of the fun, my husband even helped.
Now, it is a tradition we each carry on in our own homes - making homemade peanut brittle for friends and family while savoring many pleasant memories.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Christmas Past & Present
Of course, Christmas is different now with my husband gone. We celebrated Christmas the whole month of December. He loved to decorate; and always came up with new creations each year. I only had to show him a picture of something I liked; and he was able to make it.
We both loved to watch the Christmas shows together - which made for some quiet, enjoyable evenings. Sometimes we would take evening drives to view all the beautifully decorated houses.
We saved our visiting to do in between Christmas and New Years - when we could just relax and enjoy the company of others.
The first two or three Christmases without him were difficult but, eventually, I got the hang of it. I give a lot of thought to what gifts I want to give people early in the season; but the rest has to wait for my heart to move me. That way I know that what I am doing is what I want to be doing.
I no longer go into Christmas expecting it to be like other Christmases. I expect that each one will be very different from the ones that have gone on before; and I just wait for it to unfold itself to me.
We both loved to watch the Christmas shows together - which made for some quiet, enjoyable evenings. Sometimes we would take evening drives to view all the beautifully decorated houses.
We saved our visiting to do in between Christmas and New Years - when we could just relax and enjoy the company of others.
The first two or three Christmases without him were difficult but, eventually, I got the hang of it. I give a lot of thought to what gifts I want to give people early in the season; but the rest has to wait for my heart to move me. That way I know that what I am doing is what I want to be doing.
I no longer go into Christmas expecting it to be like other Christmases. I expect that each one will be very different from the ones that have gone on before; and I just wait for it to unfold itself to me.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Martha And Mary
It feels strange to be giving in to the Mary in me so much these days - imagining, writing, creating.....
Martha has always been the one in charge - there was always work to be done - needs to be responded to. I could count on the Martha in me to keep a tight control on Mary; but she seems to be loosening her grip - maybe a little too much.
Christmas is coming. There's work to be done. Martha, WAKE UP! Save me from myself before I lead us so far down the garden path that we won't be able to make it back in time for Christmas.
Let's not get carried away here. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing - Remember all things in moderationnn.........
Martha has always been the one in charge - there was always work to be done - needs to be responded to. I could count on the Martha in me to keep a tight control on Mary; but she seems to be loosening her grip - maybe a little too much.
Christmas is coming. There's work to be done. Martha, WAKE UP! Save me from myself before I lead us so far down the garden path that we won't be able to make it back in time for Christmas.
Let's not get carried away here. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing - Remember all things in moderationnn.........
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Tender Expressions Of Love
They are a part of all our lives....not always noted by us....not always recognized for what they are.
Up until the point when my father died with cancer, I had worked in offices all my life. It wasn't work that was dear to my heart, but I was good at it and it paid the bills.
I couldn't go through the motions any longer after my father passed away. I couldn't separate myself from the pain that was going on inside me - the grief was too fresh - the anger too raw.
The only job that appealed to me at the time was one for a nanny for a young professional couple with two little boys - one aged 3 and the other 6 months.
I went to meet the family and knew as soon as I walked in that it was the right place for me. A very gentle man stood in the kitchen, holding the baby in his arms while warming a bottle for him. The mother sat in the living room, reading to the older boy.
Knowing that I always heal best in the presence of children, I accepted the new found line of work. I was with them until the baby started school, at which time my husband wanted to move back to his home place a hundred miles away.
During that time, I gave and received many tender expressions of love. One of my favorites was from the older boy when he was about five years old. I was making spaghetti sauce and, as usual, it bubbled up and splattered the front of my top.
Peter said, "You should wear my mother's apron. I looked at his mother's beautiful full-length apron hanging on a nearby hook. It didn't look like it had ever been worn. "No," I said. "It would get all dirty."
"But, Rose, that's what aprons are for," he said, gently sliding the apron over my head.
"Do what you can with what you have where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt quote
Up until the point when my father died with cancer, I had worked in offices all my life. It wasn't work that was dear to my heart, but I was good at it and it paid the bills.
I couldn't go through the motions any longer after my father passed away. I couldn't separate myself from the pain that was going on inside me - the grief was too fresh - the anger too raw.
The only job that appealed to me at the time was one for a nanny for a young professional couple with two little boys - one aged 3 and the other 6 months.
I went to meet the family and knew as soon as I walked in that it was the right place for me. A very gentle man stood in the kitchen, holding the baby in his arms while warming a bottle for him. The mother sat in the living room, reading to the older boy.
Knowing that I always heal best in the presence of children, I accepted the new found line of work. I was with them until the baby started school, at which time my husband wanted to move back to his home place a hundred miles away.
During that time, I gave and received many tender expressions of love. One of my favorites was from the older boy when he was about five years old. I was making spaghetti sauce and, as usual, it bubbled up and splattered the front of my top.
Peter said, "You should wear my mother's apron. I looked at his mother's beautiful full-length apron hanging on a nearby hook. It didn't look like it had ever been worn. "No," I said. "It would get all dirty."
"But, Rose, that's what aprons are for," he said, gently sliding the apron over my head.
"Do what you can with what you have where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt quote
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Angel Of Awareness
She came to me in the middle of the night, removed the white cloak I was not even aware that I was wearing, and replaced it with one that was a medium-dark shade of turquoise. The color made me think of the deeper parts of the ocean - and I knew, without asking, that it symbolized the deeper parts of the unconscious I was going to be looking into - and the innocence that I would not be able to hold onto once I did.
She looked to be scarcely more than a child with her hair in pigtails, fastened with acorns. She was wearing fall colors which warmed your spirit just by looking at them, with large leaves from the maple tree forming her wings. Her long skirt was the color of bluejays, and was covered with the yellow sunflowers they love so much.
"I am the angel of awareness," she said gently. "I have come to walk with you awhile. You shouldn't be alone for the next part of your journey."
I just laid there, mystified, not sure how to respond.
"Your illusions are coming to an end", she said kindly. "They don't hold up well in the light of day. It'll be okay. You'll see. You don't need them any more. Not like you did back then. I'll be with you until you are over the rough part."
Comforted, I fell back to sleep and dreamed............... I am swimming in the Deep part of the ocean....observing great architectural structures....harvesting coral............
She looked to be scarcely more than a child with her hair in pigtails, fastened with acorns. She was wearing fall colors which warmed your spirit just by looking at them, with large leaves from the maple tree forming her wings. Her long skirt was the color of bluejays, and was covered with the yellow sunflowers they love so much.
"I am the angel of awareness," she said gently. "I have come to walk with you awhile. You shouldn't be alone for the next part of your journey."
I just laid there, mystified, not sure how to respond.
"Your illusions are coming to an end", she said kindly. "They don't hold up well in the light of day. It'll be okay. You'll see. You don't need them any more. Not like you did back then. I'll be with you until you are over the rough part."
Comforted, I fell back to sleep and dreamed............... I am swimming in the Deep part of the ocean....observing great architectural structures....harvesting coral............
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