Friday, December 28, 2007

Difficult Conversations

When I am living a purposeful life, caring for myself and others, I am able to co-create a place for others to do the same. - Quote from Molly Young Brown

The most difficult part of a purposeful life, for me, is initiating conversations that I am uncomfortable initiating. Sometimes, with people who are important enough to me, I initiate them no matter how uncomfortable I am with it. Sometimes I don't.

It depends on the person and how they have responded to me doing that in the past. If I know from past experience that they are going to push me out of their life for the next few months for voicing my opinion, I am very careful what I give voice to - no matter how much I care about them.

I hadn't found my voice while I was still in my first marriage, and that ended in tragedy. I didn't make the same mistake in my second marriage. Sometimes I had to dig deep to find the courage to say the words that needed to be said. And I could often tell that my husband had to dig deep in himself to find the courage to listen to the difficult words I had to say.

But he accepted those words with the love they held; and he never once punished me for saying them.

There is a lot of power in truthful dialogue. In our society, we tend to shy away from the hard issues - leaving a lot of shallow talk being tossed around.

The same way that the healthiest roses grew from the shit at their roots, difficult conversations grow relationships of the deepest beauty, bringing out the best in everyone involved.

3 comments:

Melisa said...

Totally get what you're talking about. I fret and moan about it to and remind myself that the things I'm worrying about rarely are as bad as I anticipate them to be. It's the ones I'm not prepared for that really get me. I remind myself it's an honor issue to have those conversations and it's no good for anyone if I don't. I hear Dr. Phil in my head, "We teach people how to treat us."

Rambling Rose said...

You (and Dr. Phil) are so right on about that. The problem is that at one time in our lives we were willing to put up with being treated in ways that we wouldn't allow now.

We spend so much of our older years trying to undo our younger years - in more ways than one, it seems.

Melisa said...

We do spend our older years trying to undo our younger years in one form or another, don't we. It's Divine Mandate though.