I Surrender

I always thought of surrendering as "giving up " or "giving in" - and I'm not a person who does either one for long. Sooner or later in the face of despair, I find my center and pick up the gauntlet once again.

But I now see that there is a more positive side to surrendering - one that has taken me a whole lifetime to learn - and that is to surrender by "letting go". The more I think about it, the more I realize that all of life is about learning to let go - or to be more precise - learning When to let go.

We enter this world "letting go" of the womb as we take our first breath; we leave this world "letting go" of our bodies as we take our last breath. And in between those two major points of surrender is the constant give-and-take of "holding on" and "letting go" - and learning how to recognize when it's time to hold on and when it's time to let go.

I have proven myself to be really good at "holding on" - many times when I would have been much better off "letting go" - of relationships that were not good for me, of judgments that were weighing me down, of people who were no longer my responsibility, of problems that were not mine in the first place, of ideas that institutions drilled into my head that never did fit me as an individual.

Now we will see how good I can become at "letting go" - of my past so I can embrace my future, of unhealthy attitudes so they can be replaced by more realistic ones, of bad habits so they can be replaced by healthier ones, of responsiblity for other people so they can learn to do it on their own.

I Surrender! It feels so good to say that to myself as I sit in my favorite spot typing away. I Surrender! It feels even better to say it as I face the world. I Surrender! It feels better still saying it in my heart as I turn to God.

I surrender all expectations of my self. I surrender all expectations of other people. I surrender all expectations of life.

I am a strong-willed person - have been all my life. And I must admit, that does have its benefits in life's struggles. But I see things differently now. I see that my view of the bigger picture is limited. I see that my strength will serve me better by using it to back up my surrender.

I "let go" of this year that is coming to an end - and I will walk into the New Year "holding on" to my surrendered state.

I will let God direct my path and I will put all of my energy into remaining open to His intentions for me. This is not a selfless act, believe me. Past experience has taught me that this is when the blessings truly flow in my life. But human nature being what it is, I didn't want to let go of those blessings once I had them.

God had to gently pry my death grip from those blessings - and now - once again - a little more humbly - I Surrender!