A Return To Community

I realize now that I am at the stage where the remainder of the healing that needs to happen for my quest to be successful can only take place in community. This means I will have to give up my self-imposed isolation.

I didn't call it isolation though when I started it last winter. I had pushed myself hard to regain my mobility for a year and a half after a car accident. I needed "time out" so, when winter came last year, I gave myself permission to hibernate. It was a very positive experience as I gave myself over totally to honoring my quest to get in touch with me, get to know me, be true to me.

Up until then, I was always too busy being tuned in to what other people needed from me. I had a set of standards that I adhered to whether the people in my world operated from those same standards or not. I often thought it over and chose to 'ACT' not 'REACT'. I could lower my standards of what I thought was right and fail to do something for them in reaction to their neglectful treatment of me or I could ignore their lack and act from my own code which seemed to be written on my heart.

It just was always harder to fight what was on my heart, and I never felt good about it afterwards if I did. I have now found a softer place for me to be - one that does not require so
much from me. I no longer take on so much of the responsibility for seeing that things get done. I set aside the thoughts that ask more of myself than I can lovingly give. I still see the needs around me but sometimes I have to accept the fact that I am powerless to do anything about them. Those are the ones that I turn over to God in prayer, trusting that He will do His part.