Shooting Straight From The Hip

The thing I love most about blogging is that it gives me one place in the world where I can speak my truth freely without having to respect someone else's sensibilities.

I grew up on cowboy movies, with John Wayne as my hero. To me, he was a man with a thinking heart(like one of my faithful commenters) who always shot straight from the hip.

I grew up in a family where no truths were spoken - in fact very little was spoken - probably out of fear that one of the many "secrets" might slip out. Actually both my parents were very quiet people who rarely communicated in front of us; and I believe both of them got buried in the overwhelming needs of a large family.

My mother found me very difficult, even in my young adulthood, because I had a strong need to express the truth as I saw it. My mother's driving need was to see the world through rose-colored glasses - even in her old age, she has not taken them off.

A while after my first husband died, my teenage daughter was acting out her grief. Finally, in desperation, I took her to a counselor and my daughter shared her truth: "It's not that Mom isn't right in what she is saying. She usually is. But it's like getting hit over the head with a sledge hammer."

It took me years of carefully observing myself to see and understand what she was talking about. Being very intuitive, I "pick up" a lot in my interactions with people; but if they make a subtle effort to communicate something to me, it goes right over my head. Verbal communications need to be very direct in order for me receive them; therefore I tend to express myself in a very direct fashion.

I understand other people's discomfort a little bit more since my niece came to live with me. She has a very literal mind and is also strongly intuitive. She notices things that even most adults are oblivious to and feels a strong need to speak her truth - whatever comes in her head comes out her mouth - annoying her peers and angering the grownups. She is forever "walking where angels fear to tread" - pointing out things that we "more civilized" adults have learned to "tune out" or "turn a blind eye to" or "keep to ourselves".

Both of us walk a fine line between the naked truth and brutal honesty. It is the way we look at the world - we are not capable of doing that part of it any other way. But where I have been able to make changes in my real world is in how much of my truth I share with the other people in it. I have been blessed with many wonderful people in my life who can not live with the large amount of truth I just naturally take in, and have had to learn how to deal with.

Out of love and consideration for them, I still shoot straight from the hip but only where it is necessary; and sometimes I put my kid gloves on first.