Sacred Spaces

For many years now, I have been creating empty spaces in my life for God to fill. Once a year, I would go through everything I owned and part with things that I no longer wanted - with the intention of creating empty spaces for God to fill with things that were a better fit for me.

I didn't take it too kindly, though, when God initiated some empty spaces in my life on His own. First, my father died with cancer. A few short years later, my husband also died with cancer. At the same time my husband died, my son transferred a hundred miles away for his work. I had nothing left to give after my husband died, so felt forced into giving up my work with seniors - work I dearly loved. A year later, my oldest granddaughter moved away to go to university. My younger grandaughter moved to the island to live with her boyfriend. My daughter eventually moved as far North as she could get, after receiving a job offer that was too good to turn down. Then my beautiful white Samoyan husky got paralyzed and had to be put to sleep. I lost everything that I had built my life around - there was nothing left. Then I was in a car accident and needed to fight to regain my mobility. I know if my eight-year-old niece had not come into my life a short time before the accident, needing a place to live, I would not have fought to stay in this world. I would have gladly "given up the ghost".

I reacted strongly to each loss that came - to each treasured thing God "weeded" from my life. "What do you mean?" I cried. I'm not done with that. I Love THAT. I WANT that. But, of course, He didn't listen and another Treasured part of my life was taken from me.

I was lost in my broken heart for a long time. But slowly, I have come to accept the changes, even see the wisdom in some of them. And even now I know that I am unable to see the Big Picture; so I just live my life one day at a time and watch to see how God will bring new life to those spaces He created in my old life.

I Wait in Silence; and I Watch as His Grace gently unfolds new beginnings - such as this blog. I know it is something I would never have done on my own. I went to bed one night not even aware of the possibility; and got up the next morning with the full knowlege that I was going to start this blog and even what I was going to call it - with not one conscious thought on my part.

I have surrendered my will - Finally. I fought it tooth and nail - but finally I surrendered. And once I was willing to receive the new blessings God had in Wait for me, my life started to take on Value again.

It Feels good to be able to "Trust the Process" once again. Life is different for me now. It is not built around any expectations on my part. I am just grateful to be valuing life once more, as I look forward to what each new day brings me.