My great-niece and I are having to deal with a very painful truth at the moment. I am not the right person to walk her gently through her teens. I kept hoping to grow into that person before we got to this point, but sometimes your limitations are just too much a part of who you are - and eventually you have to accept the truth of those limitations and do what is best for everyone.
I have always enjoyed being around young people, but if I am responsible for them, I need to know they will at least try to work within the rules that are in place for their protection.
It was a joy to walk my son and my oldest granddaughter through their teens. My daughter and my younger granddaughter were too much like I was as a teen - going to find a way to do exactly what we wanted to do no matter what rules are in place. My great-niece has that same kind of temperament - very strong-willed. She will have to do her learning through the school of hard knocks, same as I did. And I know that the only way I can be there with love and compassion for her is if I am NOT the one who is trying to enforce the rules.
So, we found her a teen friendly home with a couple girls that are just enough older than her that they will make good mentors for her. She has been wanting a pet; and now she will be part owner of ten of them - 1 dog, 2 cats, 2 birds, and 5 goldfish.
The "den mother" has walked many children through their teens, and most of them keep in touch with her. We will make the transition slowly from now until January when the actual move will take place. And we will continue to remain very much involved in each other's life, but at an arm's length - where I am not having to govern her behavior.
We did not know one another before we started living together three years ago; but we taught each other so much in that time - bestowed so many gifts on each other. She has become very important to me in that time - and me, to her. We both wish it could be different, but we both know it is the right thing to do. One minute she is excited about the upcoming changes, and the next minute she wishes it didn't have to be this way. Most of us are very familiar with those kinds of ambivalent feelings. Me - I am just looking forward to the opportunity to enjoy her without having to be "the grownup in charge".
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2 comments:
It took a good Woman to take her in. It took a Better Woman to realise she had to go.
You'll become closer, maybe even miss out on the unrelenting and unmeant "I hate yous" that spew forth and break your heart.
You done good.
Hey, thet tall Wollf in the back, the handsome fellah? Kinda looks familiar.
Now, we have to get you a site meter. That's a lesson for another day
Good dreams,
Wollf
Thank you, Wollf, for your kind words. My niece and I are both trying to be mature and brave throughout the whole thing.
I am finding it especially difficult because there is a strong part of me that says I am not being faithful to my values concerning family. But I guess sometimes you have to find a new way to be faithful.....
And, yes, I remember the "I hate you(s)". Those words come so natural as part of those years. I have no desire to be on the receiving end of them once again.
You have given me yet another reason to know I am doing the right thing. She can momentarily "hate" the teen smart den mother while having me to help her work through it.
Thanks once again, Wise Wollf.
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