I have programmed myself to think of denial as an unhealthy thing to give in to. I have gotten really angry at myself in the past for ignoring the obvious truths about certain situations. I have gotten angry at other people for refusing to see reality.
I'm having to review my beliefs on this subject. Maybe a certain amount of denial is a healthy thing - to carry us through until we are psychologically ready to handle the truth - until we have the resources we need to deal with the truth - until we have support systems in place to help us deal with it.
I'm remembering some of the seniors that I worked with over the years - one who continued doing way too much for others for a woman her age. When they finally made her face the truth, she sat down and grew old almost overnight.
A man who was sure he was going to beat the cancer that was ravaging his body - until he was shown a doctor's report that said there was no hope of beating it. So he just gave up and waited to die.
And then there was Mrs. McK. That woman lived with more denial than any person I had ever come across. They sent her home from the hospital on a three day pass not expecting her to make it through the weekend. She ended up living another three years. She was at death's doorstep more times than you could count; but she just denied it to herself every time, and kept right on living.
I wonder how you can tell when it is a healthy denial or an unhealthy one - when you are living with too much denial or not enough - or when it's time to stop living in denial once you've started living there?
How do you tell when the situation is one that would be best handled with denial? Obviously, it can't be a conscious decision or it wouldn't work.(?)
Now I'm thinking back to my friendship with my second husband, which I never believed would go beyond that - and how many times I got annoyed with myself for being willing to settle for that instead of getting on with my life. But then I would realize that if I left without having someplace else I wanted to be, or something else I wanted to be doing; then I would just be running away.
So I just stayed and enjoyed the moment...and another...and another...and another........Next thing I knew, we were married.
About Me
- Rambling Rose
- I grew up in a large family, married young, survived two husbands, raised two children, helped raise two granddaughters and a great-niece. I am now retired from the workforce and am committed to finding out who I am outside all the roles I buried myself in.
Paints With Words
My Christening Award
3 comments:
Such an interesting question, PWW. I relate it to my life....She-Cubs' virulent denial that this is happening. She avoids coming to Walkabout because it reminds her.
Bigger has dealt with it better, though the denial kept him from facing it "right now". His was more like hope, girding himself in its safety.
Lil' is a pragmatic Optimist like his Sire. We both hoped, but in our own ways prepared for the inevitable.
I don't see your friendship with the Man who became your husband so much denial as acceptance.
They look a lot alike.
Wollf
Thanks for your insights, Wollf. Once again, I bow to your wisdom. It didn't feel like acceptance at the time because in the quiet moments, when I was alone with my thoughts, I didn't understand what was going on. But when he was in my presence, it was just so easy to relax and enjoy him.
We all have our own way of coping with things, don't we? These things are hard enough on us, but they are even harder on the kids.
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